My personal take on IC and MC is a bit different from a lot of folks here, in the fact that I am dubious of it's actual benefits. Yes There are some great counselors out there that help people, however I think it has to be a perfect storm so to speak to get the real benefit of it.
1. The counselor has to be good, and have a good understanding of how to help people going through whatever their situation is, so in this case one that has tons of experience dealing with infidelity.
2. Participant have to be willing to work on themselves and acknowledge the fact that they are broken, and need guidance in healing things.
3. The counselor and individuals all have to work together to come to a point of "being independently able to heal". Meaning these folks earn their living by seeing you again and again and again....Some really don't urge you to fledge from the nest.
Can it be done without therapy you bet. It takes hard work from both of you. Your Spouse has to acknowledge that he made the choices he did because he is broken, and he has to do the work to figure out what is broken, and why, and from there to do the work to fix it.
We personally attended 3 MC sessions that were not really productive since H was breaking NC multiple times still. I also saw and IC one time. IT was silly to me, I knew what I had to do, I had to heal, find my own level of happiness without him, not find my happiness through him, I had to make myself strong enough and happy enough to survive with or without him. So quit talking about it and just do it was my motto.
We both read a fair amount to foster our healing. For us as a couple 7 principles was a big one, for me codependent no more. For him, it was more on books about self worth, and acceptance of your current situation.
Hey it worked for us, but that was because we both did the work, and he was ultimately remorseful, eventually (read profile for more on that).
If you live near a university you can contact them as well for students needing to work on their skills as therapist, this is usually offered at a deeply discounted price. If not then look into support groups as well.
(((and strength)))