Hi PrideFallen, welcome to SI.
Intellectually I know she needs me to get there, but itís like asking me to stick my hand into a fire.
In the beginning it is hard to face the consequences of what,we as waywards have done, the lying, the cheating, the total disregard of our BS's safety.
If we don't face the consequences, where is the catalyst for change?
We don't want to admit to ourselves that we are low down cheating scumbags. Who would?
We want to hang on to the fallacy that we really are a good person who just got caught up in the circumstances.
Some sort of self-defense mechanism pulls me back
It's called pride and covering your own ass. You need to let go of the pride and own your actions.
Our BS's need to see us trying to understand and empathise with their pain.
In reality we & they know we can't fully understand it, but they need to see us try.
It took me a very long time to let go of my pride and become humble, my BS has the patience of a saint, yours may not.
So, should you stick your hand in the fire? That depends on whether you want to help your BS heal & build a new marriage or not.
Being a cheater, you have a track record of taking the easy option. Change that.
There is no magic pill or easy path to this.
I'm afraid it's one of those 'be a man, suck it up & just do it' things.
It's part of 'doing the work' that we talk about so much on SI.
I wish you luck on your journey.
[This message edited by SlowUptake at 4:28 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]
Dday Dec 2009
"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras
There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.