SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Harriet posted 1/11/2014 14:14 PM

It took me a long time to get here, but I am so thankful to be out of my marriage. I loved him so much and I tried so hard to save the marriage, but he wanted out anyway. I was depressed and lonely - lost tons of weight, cried all the time. I wished I was still ignorant. Everything that all of you have gone through or are currently going through.

Now, I was reading in the General and Just Found Out forums, and to read with a mind totally unfogged by the emotional attachment I used to feel, I am so happy that I'm not in a relationship where I am always wondering, or searching, or reading into things. I don't have to check phone records, I don't have to be afraid to go out with him and run into one of his many OW, I don't have to worry that he's comparing me. Yes, I have scars and baggage, but now, living in the moment, it is so much more peaceful.

I wanted to say that in a response in Just Found Out, but I realized that saying I was so glad I am divorced is probably not what the poor folks in Just Found Out want to hear right now.

TrustedHer posted 1/11/2014 16:08 PM

Some of us who have been around SI for a while and have divorced joke with each other about that.

Specifically, how we sometimes have to resist the urge to post in General or JFO: "Run! Run! As fast as you can!"

Each person has their own journey, and even when divorce is the right answer, they need to know for their own sake that they tried to save their marriage "long enough". "Long enough" can vary from person to person, from 1 day post D-Day, to years of limbo or false R. Or even real R; for some, it turns out that the A really was a deal-breaker, in spite of sincere attempts to R.

phmh posted 1/11/2014 16:22 PM

Specifically, how we sometimes have to resist the urge to post in General or JFO: "Run! Run! As fast as you can!"

This is exactly why I hardly post up there. It's so hard for me to not give this exact advice, and since I know it's not helpful, I keep quiet.

Life gets so much better, but I know that's the last thing that is helpful in JFO, when you still really want to R.

MakingLemonade posted 1/11/2014 17:30 PM

((((Harriet))), I hear you! Counting my blessings of a wayward free life myself.

hyster133 posted 1/12/2014 02:42 AM

It was probably for the best that she found another man. Five years divorced now and in that time, I've discovered that I'm a very good cook, totally renovated my house, and quit smoking.

Been on a few dates, but the sting of being betrayed still lingers, so I'm not interested in a new relationship, too old any way 55. lol

Liking my life as it is, and thankful this site pointed me in the right direction.

dignityintact posted 1/12/2014 04:07 AM

Harriet!

Amen to your post…it took a while, but I got there….and yes, I often want to say to the "just found out", they won't change…escape from the hurt and craziness.

I'm so happy….I've just filed for divorce, and it feels so right!!! In fact I'm going to have a party when it's finalised!!

newnormal posted 1/12/2014 06:59 AM

I was one of those 5 year limbo gals. I wish i had found SI earlier. And yes, a wayward free life is the way to go!