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Was anyone actually in a sexless marriage?

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Bravenewgirl posted 1/11/2014 17:40 PM

For the WH to claim that he was in a sexless marriage is, I believe, on page one of the wayward handbook (WH: poor me, my dong is not getting any love! OW: Poor you! Your wife is mean!, I will pat your wiener for you blah blah blah, etc etc.)

Anyone actually have one of these? Do they really exist? What constitutes 'sexless', never, or just not very often? Not that I believe that it is any excuse for cheating, it just seems that this is the go-to excuse, so I am wondering if it has any basis in reality.

I have posted this before, but in my case OW clearly did not believe him because she used to discretely sniff his junk to see if there was any of my, ahem, residue on there. Either that or she just loves Eau De Wang. The mind reels. I cannot get past the weirdness of an OW checking to see if her MARRIED BOYFRIEND was cheating on her with HIS WIFE. Gahhhh!

[This message edited by Bravenewgirl at 5:46 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]

silentscream13 posted 1/11/2014 17:48 PM

(WH: poor me, my dong is not getting any love! OW: Poor you! Your wife is mean!, I will pat your wiener for you blah blah blah, etc etc.)

Oh...thank you for the laugh. I so needed that today!

As for answering your question...I think the only way you can be in a sexless marriage is if you NEVER have sex.

My WH complained to his whore that I NEVER wanted to have sex either. I explained to him that I just NEVER wanted to have sex with HIM! I mean it's hard to get turned on by a drunk man slobbering all over you every night.

He complained about our kissing even (because I never wanted to). He was so drunk that he was practically EATING MY FACE OFF! Yes...that is a turn on.

IMO It is just an easy excuse so they can have their cake and eat it to.

AppalachianGal posted 1/11/2014 17:53 PM

I laughed out loud at this. Thanks, I needed it!

I don't know what my WS told the bar whore except that he was married, had a newborn son, he believed our marriage was over and didn't understand why. Make me gag.

He probably did say we weren't having sex. Who knows? To me, a sexless marriage is one where it never happens.

sleepless34 posted 1/11/2014 18:06 PM

I am betting that my STBX said he was in a loveless and sexless marriage that became more like siblings!


Of course that isn't really true. We had sex, but not a ton. Because he was a lazy lay and didn't want to work on it, and I didn't need/want it that often so 3x a month maybe.

I told him what he could do to help me want more…help more with the kids, be affectionate at times other than when u want sex, set up date nights, act romantic, etc. He said "Oh, so it is CONDITIONAL? Forget it. You should love me and want me how I am" and because he is so lazy, I guess it was easier to just go online and find someone all primed up and ready to go, no effort required.

SisterMilkshake posted 1/11/2014 18:12 PM

It wasn't sexless, but my FWH had to beg me for sex.

I dunno, when someone tells you to "Shut the fuck up" constantly and then is reaching over for you 15 minutes later in bed, it kind of takes the fun out of having sex with that person. He was a selfish fucking dick and never tried to get me to want to have sex with him, just demanded it. Grrr, getting angry remembering this. I love sex, too.

she used to discretely sniff his junk to see if there was any of my, ahem, residue on there
Hilarious, and weird!

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 6:12 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]

Rebreather posted 1/11/2014 18:18 PM

Pfft, not hardly. I have always had the higher drive. Even though we weren't setting any new records at the time and I was kinda bored, it was still happening. But, my FWH never used sex as the reason for his affair. It was a by-product of the rest of the relationship.

Lyonesse posted 1/11/2014 18:21 PM

It always amazes me how many folks in sexless marriages have kids. Seems like even OW would be able to figure that one out.

ETA:

I will pat your wiener for you

[This message edited by Lyonesse at 6:21 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]

badmedicine posted 1/11/2014 18:23 PM

We used to have sex a lot and I even wanted to have it more than he did. However, it dropped off significantly when he started seeing her (for those of you following along at home this was just a few months into our engagement) and with it the fighting increased. After we were married and he started saying he didn't know if he wanted to be married or if he loved me...well that was a turn off. I remember when we had sex after he first moved out I thought to myself "I actually can't remember the last time we did this". Turns out it was SIX MONTHS BEFORE. WTF. Who goes 6 months with no sex in their first year of marriage?? No wonder I started training for a marathon.

Things got better and worse and then better again but his affair squelched our sex life. He was also selfish, expected to show up over here at 10:30 at night and do it when I had been sitting around alone all day and evening (and he had been on FaceTime with OW). So maybe ours was close to sexless? Awesome.

neverwillhapn2me posted 1/11/2014 18:25 PM

This is coming from a BH.

I can not say I was in a sexless marriage. just that I wasn't getting any, the OM was though.

i have not had sex with my wife since my WW became pregnant with our now 7 month old.

mine you DD was 3 weeks ago, so there will be no physical contact now.
SO its would probably be around 14 months with no sex, mind you she was pregnant for 9 of them.


Still i would say a sexless doesn't me NEVER it has to be atleast a few times a month.


I may not have had sex but my wife and OM were certainty.

who know how long it will be before i have sex now 2 years 3 ahhhhhhh..... im gonna stop thinking about this now.

[This message edited by neverwillhapn2me at 6:25 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]

Lovedyoumore posted 1/11/2014 18:25 PM

Oh, and remember what the maven of youth, Mylie Cyrus told Matt Lauer....nobody has sex after 40.

I am sure the OW knew from just looking at me that I hated sex and was not taking care of my man in bed.

cuppacoffee posted 1/11/2014 18:26 PM

Nope not here! Baby #7 in the oven to prove it! We (before his meds) were 4-5 times a week.

It was the skank who wasn't getting any because her boyfriend lived 2 hours away. I guess fucking a married man was protection against her boyfriend finding out.

Little did she know my husband (when depressed) doesn't shower often. Sucks to be her!

Flatlined posted 1/11/2014 18:34 PM

Right before DDay, I was in a church women's group with both O(utside)Ws. A#1 was over, A#2 was active. Of course at the time I knew nothing of either of these situations. I remember sharing one day -- with the group-- how FWH was always all over me for sex. (Sex was actually one of the best areas of our relationship!)I distinctly remember the odd look on O(utside) W#1's face after my comment. I wish I gotten a look at OW#2 that day. It is amazing how delusional a person has to be to believe the tales of a cheater.

[This message edited by Flatlined at 6:35 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]

tara1110 posted 1/11/2014 18:55 PM

I told him what he could do to help me want more…help more with the kids, be affectionate at times other than when u want sex, set up date nights, act romantic, etc.

This was exactly what I told my husband about a year before dday. He was lazy and I did most of the chores around the house, I worked full time and our son was about 8 months old then. We had a serious talk about us and I said the same thing quoted above. Our sex life came back to normal, he was more affection and all until he got deployed. When he came home... BOOM! I found out he was fucking a whore overseas.

Anyhow, looking back at how he was, I'm just glad I don't have to deal with his lazy, Xbox playing ass anymore. Butter bitch face can pat his wiener until it turns blue.

SisterMilkshake posted 1/11/2014 19:12 PM

Butter bitch face

solus sto posted 1/11/2014 19:37 PM

I was. Trac-Fone swears to this day it was because I rejected him, but in fact he used a (bona fide) physical illness to avoid sex with me for years; he preferred anonymous or near anonymous sex, but fueled himself with rage and resentment based on absolute lies he told himself (and others). We had sex six times between 1999 and 2010. I initiated each time, and each time it was with trepidation. I believed him; he was sick, medicated, impotent--oh! And enjoying quite an active sex life. Somewhere else.

So yes. I was in a sexless marriage, thinking I was honoring the "in sickness and in health" clause.

He, OTOH, was not. And I may never forgive him for robbing me of so much of my sexual adulthood.

But maybe I will. Because frankly, sex with a personality disordered man who can't abide intimacy is not what it's cracked up to be, and at least now I stand a chance at having an adult relationship.

imagoodwitch posted 1/11/2014 20:06 PM

I am now but then I wasn't.

We had sex all the time, before and during and after the A.

OW and WS both told each other they were in sexless marriages, lies.

Now, the thought of having sex with him makes me ill.

DazedWI posted 1/11/2014 20:15 PM

I would classify mine as a sexless marriage but it didn't start out that way. My WW wouldn't initate or talk to me about what worked and what didn't so she just never tried. It was always me trying to initiate and then I found out two years ago (prior to her affair) that sex was painful most of the time with me. I put it on her to rebuild the intimacy as I saw it as me having "raped" her for so long because she wouldn't communicate to not "hurt my feelings or make me mad". So instead of working on things with me she goes out and sleeps with a 52 year old OM. Go figure, some bitches be crazy.

Kelany posted 1/11/2014 20:17 PM

We were about once a week, sometimes more.

His LTA was about 3 times a week.

Sigh.

Much more frequent now that he doesn't use me as a piece of meat.

Whalers11 posted 1/11/2014 20:18 PM

Yes, I was. We were having problems pre-A, and we hadn't had sex in months.

devasted30 posted 1/11/2014 20:28 PM

Same here. We hadn't had sex in YEARS. My choice eventually. I clearly remember the night after another rejection from my husband that I decided never again. He tried often and I rejected him. After a few years he gave up. I thought that was the way he wanted it. We rarely spoke about it with all the family issues that kept us otherwise occupied. But, I thought we were still okay. How naive can one person be. To his credit, he waited years (if I am to believe him) before he actually started cheating on me.

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