SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm hoping for some SI advise please.

Although I feel like I only post when I have a problem..... I do read a lot in NB and take in a lot of the good advise offered.

So sorry, but here goes with my latest "what should I do?"........ if anything.

I have a rewards program - the sort where if you get your gas from a certain chain you get points, same with certain shops and services.... you collect them and when you have enough you can collect "rewards".

I've been saving mine for two years now - have been separated for over two and a half years and divorced for six months - we have a two year waiting period here.

"He" is still living with his AP and they are getting married soon. Whatever.

Just before Christmas he must of got her to phone the rewards program - he had a second card on my account. She pretended to be me and answered my "personal security questions" to give him access to my account. Then he went online and redeemed most of my points.

I have emailed and spoken to a rep and have been told that they have a tape of this "request" but they will not release it to me but will give it to the police if they want to investigate. Also advised me to go to the police on Monday as all their security precautions were followed..... they can do no more in this matter.

My question is should I open this can of worms and go ahead with trying to have her AND him charged with fraud?

Or ignore and carry on and write it off to being more diligent about keeping myself "safe" from them.

I get one point for every $25.00 I spend, and they redeemed over 900 of my points. It took me 2 years to get over this amount.

I'm pissed, and have stewed on this for the last couple of days. They have so much monetary wise (not so much morally wise), and I struggle to make ends meet. So this is a big deal to me...... BUT, I really don't want to step into their "crazyland" again..... BUT also don't want to let them get away with this.

I can't seem to make up my mind and I hover between one way and the other.

Please help.

Ok, situations like this really bring out my inner consumer protection advocate ...

Many states have a consumer affairs division affiliated or connected to their state's attorney general's office. That's one place to check on your options.

And check with the cops too. Isn't what they did identity fraud ??

I'd thoroughly research all your options before going any further. I wouldn't contact your ex or the AP. Not yet and maybe not ever.

Because wouldn't it be awesome if they could be prosecuted for this??? Crappy choices (fraud), meet prosecution. (Sorry I'm not sufficiently evolved *not* to take pleasure in this scenario)

Personally, I don't think advocating for **your** best interests is wrong.

I would get him off all your accounts though !!

Sorry you're having to deal with this. (((259)))

[This message edited by seekingright2013 at 8:08 AM, January 12th (Sunday)]

thanks Seeking.

You are bang on when you write about "taking pleasure" with the thought that they could get some of their own khama back in this process.

And this is the very thing that holds me back. Would I be doing it just for some revenge?

I know I would take big pleasure out of this and that is what stops me...... might I be taking this path in some misguided sense of justice???

I am not perfect and have made many many mistakes in my NB. I really don't want to shoot myself in the foot with this one.

And then again I get all "self-righteous" and think, fuck them they deserve it. And then again I wonder if I want to be this bitter person....

Rinse and Repeat

I would slap that hand and slap it hard. If they think they "got away with it" what is the next financial step/advantage they will take?

They STOLE from you. Just like if they broke into your home and took something.

I would contact the police. I would do everything in my power to see that consequences were handed down.

(((hugs))) this kind of thing sucks. It brings all the nastiness of them back into focus.

thanks Care,

yes one of my first thoughts were thanks for handing me this opening for revenge.

and now I'm second guessing myself.

I do try to do the right thing all of the time. I do have a problem with worrying about other people's perception of me - self worth issues.

Yes they did steal from me. I was truly shocked that the man I married 30 years ago could stoop so low. I guess its the company he keeps. And as I type that I wonder if I'm as far forward in my recovery as I think I am. I guess I'm surprised that I've had such a reaction to his stooping even lower than he already had - and believe me he has behaved as low as a WS could.

I think I will go have a "chat" with my little hick town constable on Monday and suss out what, if anything, I can/should do.

What would you do if it had been a stranger who had hacked your account to steal your points?

I think you're making the right decision by pursuing this.

Hi phmh,

great minds obviously think alike lol. I just got off the phone with my bestie and she said exactly the same thing.

What would I do if it was a stranger? I would do everything in my power to have them charged and hopefully get some compensation.

So.... yes I will pursue this

thanks for your input

Is his name on the account?

Absolutely you need to stop this occurring. Please contact the company and see if you can transfer any other points still on your account to a new account or cancel their 2nd card. Also change your security questions to something they won't know. This was one thing I found really hard to do as he knew everything. I made mine really random stuff, write them down somewhere safe until you learn what your new answers are.

My ex did a similar thing but the account was in his name and I was the second card holder, it was agreed at mediation that the points would be redeemed and the proceeds split evenly in the form of gift vouchers, so their was nothing I could do and the monetary value was only about $20 so wasn't worth pursuing.

They really have no boundaries in how low they will stoop. Please protect yourself.

Thanks Bluebird, yes I have changed everything. He was the secondary card holder - I'd forgotten he had it unfortunately. I've got a new number and account and new password etc.

I too found it tricky with the security question. After 30 years together he knows all the easy answers to those questions. But all done now.

It has thrown me that they went so low, live and learn I guess.

I don't see it as revenge, I see it as standing up for your rights,

She should be charged for impersonating you,

They should have thought about what the consequences of their actions was going to be before they did it, I hope they both get charged, it's illegal to pretend to be someone your not,

Teach them the lesson that they are not above the law

Same was done to me at a store by just saying he forgot his card. He changed it to his name and got my 29'000 points. I found out because my email address was still on there as contact. Then he opens new ones at other places with my email...I guess so I can see what he is buying. 6 months before he calls my bank and retirement acc's & tells them I am deceased causing them to put a freeze on accounts. Police & prosecutors were called to no avail. My state says unless over certain $ stolen they will not pursue. And like you I am counting my pennies and he lives the high life. It would cost a lot to hire attorney for civil suit & likely not win. Get your name off all of them or close them and start new ones with password protection. Also password protect your credit cards as these rewards sometimes keep that on file for the purchases. My ex has done it all..expect the worst and be prepared for more to come.

PM for you seekingright

I'm sorry this happened to you.

When certain things about the marriage break up and aftermath happen to me, sometimes it feels isolating like I am the only one.

I just wanted to tell you that OW/NW impersonated me on my health food store membership. This woman is a McDonald's regular, not at all health conscious. I asked HF store to please ask for id the next time my account card is scanned, and this has been 2 years they still ask me. Fine. It wasn't to the extent of stealing my reward points but similar in that my account was getting her a discount. Um no way.

Shut this down now. They are frauds.