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Newest Member: sponger77 (61470)

User Topic: How to cope?
♀ 18134
Member # 18134
Default  Posted: 2:53 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not been on here for ages as I was triggering too much! Quick recap! H emailed me to let me know he was leaving and I have not seen him or spoken to him since that email (married 30 years). Our situation is complicated in that we are now both living in countries other than our own and it is almost impossible to get divorced. So he continues to pay all bill at our home as normal. We found out about his OW who is a younger foreign woman living off him. He didn't contact anybody for ages apart from occasional emails but at Christmas he turned up with OW in tow at his sisters. I am finding this difficult to cope with for many reasons. One, she is a good friend who helped me through this and I adore my nephews and nieces. Two, I dread this woman meeting my own adult children.

My H is trying to act as if I never existed and now seems to be trying to work his way back into our family as if nothing has happened with this woman. After all I went through (nervous breakdown etc etc) I feel this will push me over the edge again. Some days I just don't think I will ever get over this and yet he seems to be just fine. I have been to therapy etc but although it helps for a bit I still feel stuck in a rut and not able to move forward.

Sorry this all sounds like a moan but I feel safe here.

Posts: 112 | Registered: Feb 2008
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember your story.

Please continue therapy because you have truly been abandoned and his reapparance probably feels like everything has been turned back to day 1.
Moving forward may mean getting the divorce done. Perhaps the process would help give you closure? Or at the very least, get you started in that direction?

Never apologize for coming here and letting it out...this is your safe place.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Daffodil, i am so sorry he is such an ass.

How does SIL feel about this turn of events? I am asking to discover if you know if she is an ally for you?

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Posts: 4615 | Registered: Jan 2010
♀ 18134
Member # 18134
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all for kind words. Yes she is an ally of mine. He turned up at hers with OW and SIL was merely civil. My H seems to have had a personality transplant. This woman lives with him does not work and gets kept and has holidays around the world. SIL says she had a sort of challenging look on her. He is planning to move with her to yet another country. Yet he will not make any move to divorce me.

I have no idea what the attraction is. She is dowdy, slightly younger, doesn't work etc. I have worked all our days together. I guess it is like being back at day one and it all seems like a groundhog day and I am very down again. like many of us here I seem to blame myself although logically I know it is not my fault.

Posts: 112 | Registered: Feb 2008
Topic Posts: 4

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