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Newest Member: chachapoppyseed (45751)

User Topic: I hate this roller coaster :(
Hurtm
♀ 41102
Member # 41102
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two days ago I was feeling ok. Maybe even a bit excited for a new beginning without him.

Then yesterday was one of the worst days in ages. Two panic attacks. Terrified of being able to afford anything and being destitute.

I hate this roller coaster


DD day October 17th (my birthday, lucky me)
Married 9 years, two kids (4 1/2 and 21 months)
He moved out and we're heading for divorce. Currently working through all the fun legal stuff

Posts: 60 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ontario
Chrysalis123
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Hurtm)))
I hear you. It is so hard.....But, with time it changed from extreme ups and downs to a fairly flat ride filled with joy.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2781 | Registered: Jan 2010
Chrysalis123
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Hurtm)))
I hear you. It is so hard.....But, in time the roller-coaster changed from extreme ups and downs to a fairly flat ride filled with joy.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2781 | Registered: Jan 2010
BAB61
♀ 41181
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too! This is definitely NOT where I thought I'd be at this point in my life... smh ... even if I freak out about the future I KNOW I'm better off without him!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
littlefoggy
♀ 41429
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too.

I am excited and terrified.

I hate the process but in the end it will be worth it.

I want to vomit when I think of what I will be giving up to be rid of him. But I also am totally willing to give it up to be rid of him.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 498 | Registered: Nov 2013
betrayed13yrs
♀ 40343
Member # 40343
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know EXACLTY how you feel. We have been together for 13 yrs and I didn't even realize how much I'd become someone I'm not and lost myself. 13 yrs with a narcissist is enough for me. Now the thought of a future without him is both exhilarating and terrifying. In one sense I can't wait to find out who I really am and to find REAL love with someone new, in the other sense I am scared out of my wits because he is all I have known for over 13 years. I live with my parents and at the end of the month, after paying loans on my tuition and all of my other bills, I am left with $800. I would love to be independent and have a place of my own with DD5 and DS1, but the reality is that I will most likely NEVER move out of my parents again until I get into a serious relationship with a man I will marry and move in with him, which I don't see happening for YEARS I feel like a failure as a woman and a mother. I'm happy to be without him and independent, but I'm devastated that being alone and independent do not go hand in hand. FML

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: CA
SusanR
♀ 29368
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@betrayed - once your student loans are paid off, you might have enough money to get out on your own.

After my first Divorce My DDAnd I lived with my Mom for about 6 months. I hated it but it gave me a chance to get on my feet financially. I got a job offer for a lot more money so I took it and moved into a small apartment. 7 years later, I still didn't have anything decorative or luxury items in the apartment, no paintings, no fancy dishes, etc., but I had saved enough to put a down payment on a house.

When I met a married my second husband, I still didn't have livingroom furniture, any paintings, fancy towels, or dishes but, I had a great deal of pride in what I had accomplished on my own.

My advice is aim for financial independence, however long it takes and whatever you have to sacrifice. Don't get yourself back into the position where you must rely on a man financially.

I didn't marry my WS for money and I am not afraid to live without his money. He and I know I will be fine in that area. I'm not saying that will prevent another heartbreak, hell, look at me, but, at least you won't have to put up with as much manipulation.


Posts: 1963 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
betrayed13yrs
♀ 40343
Member # 40343
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't ever want to have to rely on another man. But, I won't be able to move out of my parents for a very long time. My student loan payments just went into affect last month at $600/mo. The whole reason I moved in here was to pay a lot extra on the principal of my loans to get them pain off in three years instead of ten. But with all of the other crap, like divorce and attorney fees, I don't see future independence any time soon:(

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: CA
SusanR
♀ 29368
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just make a plan and stick to it. It will happen!

Posts: 1963 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
Hurtm
♀ 41102
Member # 41102
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all

It just all seems insurmountable some days, you know


DD day October 17th (my birthday, lucky me)
Married 9 years, two kids (4 1/2 and 21 months)
He moved out and we're heading for divorce. Currently working through all the fun legal stuff

Posts: 60 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ontario
Lost15
♀ 40898
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Hurtm)))

I feel the same way Hurtm. There are days I will be going along ok and then the next I'm so lonely and panic about the future ahead of me. I wonder how am I going to get DS and I out of my parents house, pay the bills, start paying student loans and on and on. It becomes very overwhelming. I just have to keep pushing forward and not give up.


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was right where you are. EXACTLY where you are. God I remember how scared I was.

I've only ever had 3 panic attacks in my whole life - all post DD.

I think fear is one of the reasons I stayed despite being so desperately unhappy even before DD. The fear of the known was more comfortable than the fear of the unkown.

Let me tell you that the fear is worse than that which you fear.

I've made changes to my life. I've cut back on things and overall lots of things have been adjusted. I'm not starving. I can afford what I have. It isn't the same as when I was M but it is well worth the price to be free.

I was afraid of these changes but you know what? They're not so bad. Certainly not as bad as a shit M - even though I never worried about bills in that M.

I'll take worrying about bills over worrying about my husband and what STDs he is exposing me to hands down.

Fear is completely normal - don't confuse it with reality. Chances are some things aren't as bad as you fear. Easy for me to say because I'm through this part. In time you'll read a post just like this and you'll be astonished at how scared you were.

You won't always feel this way.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
lifestoshort
♀ 18442
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

roller coaster feeling is worst. feeling strong and powerful and happy is healthier, safer BUT we have no absolute security in life. bad things happen, i found out death even happens for no good reason.

do something that makes you happy. work out, it has proven to put oxygen flow and endorphins in your to think more positively and feel stronger.

know this will not last.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 704 | Registered: Mar 2008
Topic Posts: 13

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