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Intrusive Images During Intimacy

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focusupward posted 1/12/2014 14:24 PM

Just curious as to what others have done or would suggest to help get through the intrusive images of your WS and OP while you're trying to be intimate with your WS? This has been so difficult for me and many times is so overwhelming that I just can't continue.

isadora posted 1/12/2014 15:34 PM

Have you talked this out with your WH? Sharing may help lessen the mind movies. Time helps. Not fighting them helps. Seeing a big red stop sign helps.

Skan posted 1/12/2014 17:03 PM

If you have to stop, stop. If you have to talk it over with your WW, have her comfort you, or have her leave, do so. Do what you need to do.

I've had to ask my FWH to do all of the above at times, especially in the early months. I also got very selfish at times and pretty much expected him to do all of the work. I've used the stop sign and frankly, I've also mentally done a "oh yeah? Watch THIS you *$(#*&!"

You may have to try several things until you come up with something that helps, however one thing that does help is that four letter word, time.

focusupward posted 1/12/2014 20:18 PM

Thank you both for the words of encouragement. I try and tell myself that time will help but it just gets so frustrating. I will give the stop sign a shot for sure. Sometimes there is so much hope and sometimes it feels so hopeless. Just glad I found this place since I was forced into the club. Thanks.

focusupward posted 1/12/2014 20:19 PM

Thank you both for the words of encouragement. I try and tell myself that time will help but it just gets so frustrating. I will give the stop sign a shot for sure. Sometimes there is so much hope and sometimes it feels so hopeless. Just glad I found this place since I was forced into the club. Thanks.

TrustedHer posted 1/12/2014 22:16 PM

I don't remember any recent posts, but the concept you're describing is often referred to as "mind movies" here on SI.

It's not just you. It's common.

cluless posted 1/12/2014 23:14 PM

I'm really confused. Now do we suppress our feelings and kept them inside, or do we feel them? My therapists philosophy is that this is a new relationship, thinking about what happened before isn't good for it. WTF? So suppressed the feelings, next thing I know I'm snapping at him for no reason at all. He asked me what was wrong, and I had to think about for a couple of days and I told him. What he did isn't going away anytime soon, there are images/flashbacks that pop into my head at any given moment and I am powerless to control it. So now I'm trying to figure out what my subconscious is trying to tell me. And delve in a little deeper, why does that hurt so much, anything like this happen to me before, etc.

I'm not sure exactly "how" to get those images out of my head. Is there really people who can get over this type of betrayal and live productive likes with the cheater? I guess the biggest question I can come up is WHY?

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