Me = BS aged 43
Quick bit of background:
EX WH had an A with OW starting in Nov 2009.
At the time he was 40 and she was 21 😝😝
D Day was January 2010 and on the day I confronted him I handed him his (very messily packed) suitcases and showed him the door.
He has been living with the same OW ever since.
Visitation has been a joke! Until this summer he was living in a tiny studio apartment (no sep bedroom) so he had no room for the kids and left them with his mother during visitation.
Money was not an issue as during this time he bought 12 rental properties but continued to love in an apartment the size of a closet!!!!
Well this summer ex WH finally moved into a large family style home with OW. This is the first time the kids were really exposed to OW over a sustained period. Previously they would see her once every 2 months or so.
Well things are not working. OW screams at the kids, and bursts into tears and stamps her foot when she does not get what she wants. She sounds like a total nightmare!!!!!!!!
I hate the fact this impacts my kids but am slightly amused that ex is having to deal with such immature behavior.
So for weeks now ex has been telling the kids "I will put you first, I will dump her. I won't put up with her treatment of you" blah blah blah
Last week I had a gentle conversation with the boys trying to manage their expectations. Ex has never done what he says he will do and I did not want them to get their hopes up too high that crazy ow would be sent packing.
Well the kids came home from visitation last night and told me the following story.
They had been in a restaurant with ex and ow this weekend.
And ow said to the kids "do you like my ring? By the way your father and I have been engaged for several
Months.... Didn't you know?"....
DS13.... Told me "mom she smirked when she told us as if she had beaten us to some prize"!.
So ex must be so proud of his engagement if he had not told the kids!!!!! What a dysfunctional mess!!!!!!!!!
Kids then delighted in telling several of ex WH family the news. Seems no one in the family knew!!!!!!!
So now I have to deal with the kids..... Having a crap sperm donor (he has never actually fathered them!!!).
Being told "I will put you first" and then becoming engaged to ow.... Poor things it just underlines to them again that they are not his priority and he is a very selfish person.
What bothers me too is that it appears to be a very emotionally abusive relationship and the kids are witnessing this.
So lots of work to do, reiterating to them what healthy relationships look like, helping them deal with the lack of a true father in their lives and helping them manage their expectations of this selfish idiot.
[This message edited by timeforchange at 12:05 AM, January 13th (Monday)]
2 boys, 13 and 9
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”