SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Needhelpsolost posted 1/13/2014 07:41 AM

Hi everyone.

I have been coming to this site reading other people's experiences and hoping that something might click and help me end my PA. Today, I finally took the plunge and joined to share my experience and look for help.

I have been married for 2 years and a month. We have known each other as friends for 10 years, romantically for 5years. Last year in June, I met up with and ex (who I lied to myself and told myself was now just a friend as we maintained friendly banter over social networks)for a drink. Needless to say it ended up with us doing what we used to do. I don't know what made me do it as my relationship with my H was going well. We met again several times over 3 months but it sizzled out and there has been NC since. I knew that this EMA would end and I did not grieve at all.

The real problem started last month when I started a PA with someone else. I feel like I need the OM in my life and cannot stop. We have seen each other every week and it is a purely PA. I have started creating stupid fights with my H and am being completely selfish but then I feel guilty and become the sweetest person ever. I have told myself that I will stop, that I won't call OM which I succeed in doing but when he calls I agree to meet up. I know it is totally up to me to stop this but how do I do this. I don't want to hurt my H. I love him so much. How do you do the NC thing. I am so messed up and depressed over this. I want to stop.

DanteJace posted 1/13/2014 07:46 AM

Dear Needhelpsolost...

Run -- do not walk, RUN -- to your nearest professional talk therapist. You seem to "see" what you are doing, are good at expressing/explaining it and your motivations behind it, and you are clearing asking for help.

I can't think of a better candidate for professional talk therapy.

Good luck...

-- DJ

SlowUptake posted 1/13/2014 08:12 AM

Hi Needhelpsolost

Welcome to SI.

There is one pretty effective way to stop the cheating.

Tell your husband. It will not be easy, but in the long run it will be best.

The sooner you do. The sooner you will be on the road to recovery.

Whether your marriage survives will be out of your control.

That will be up to your husband.

I wish you luck.

Start t/j

I can't think of a better candidate for professional talk therapy.