I have been coming to this site reading other people's experiences and hoping that something might click and help me end my PA. Today, I finally took the plunge and joined to share my experience and look for help.
I have been married for 2 years and a month. We have known each other as friends for 10 years, romantically for 5years. Last year in June, I met up with and ex (who I lied to myself and told myself was now just a friend as we maintained friendly banter over social networks)for a drink. Needless to say it ended up with us doing what we used to do. I don't know what made me do it as my relationship with my H was going well. We met again several times over 3 months but it sizzled out and there has been NC since. I knew that this EMA would end and I did not grieve at all.
The real problem started last month when I started a PA with someone else. I feel like I need the OM in my life and cannot stop. We have seen each other every week and it is a purely PA. I have started creating stupid fights with my H and am being completely selfish but then I feel guilty and become the sweetest person ever. I have told myself that I will stop, that I won't call OM which I succeed in doing but when he calls I agree to meet up. I know it is totally up to me to stop this but how do I do this. I don't want to hurt my H. I love him so much. How do you do the NC thing. I am so messed up and depressed over this. I want to stop.