I agree. Check your insurance plan, if any way possible, find a counselor you two can go to asap. I am in year 3 of recovery. However, my days/ weeks/ months after DD are burned in my mind. We had crazy awful times following, but it will ease.
My number 1 piece of advice is find a counselor and no contact with other person. None.
Not an email, not a call, not one last text.
If you must, a note written together with your spouse to say you will not be writing again or having any contact ever again is it.
Your job is to function now. This sucks, is hell and very hard. But everything your spouse is saying is par for the
course. If you want to save your marriage, how you react is critical now.
Stay Calm. Stay focused and NO CONTACT.
This will not be a quick or short road to healing, but I do believe it's do-able.
You need help from a counselor and the safety of counseling to talk and work through this.
Praying for you,