I am 13 months out from Dday, mediation is set for April (original date was last October, but the mediator had emergency surgery the day before!).
A couple weeks after Dday, he came over to the house to "talk". He basically blamed me for the end of the marriage, showed no remorse, no I'm sorry, just told me how I was at fault, I changed the day we got married, my only priority was school, I didn't get along with his family, I wasn't suited for his social life.......I felt lower than dog crap when he left. He told me he thought he found someone he could love (and then, to top it all off, wanted to be friends). I felt that he gave himself closure with that conversation.
Now, I want closure. I have been living in limbo for the past 13 months. I have been divorced before, although my first husband did not cheat on me and it was a mutual decision to end the marriage. Not a one sided decision from a self centered cheater.
In my first marriage, we worked on the marriage for several years so I knew I had done everything I could to make it work. I did not have that chance here. I had no idea the affair was going on, found out about the affair and was asked to leave my home. I was in a state of shock for months.
I have written him numerous letters which I have never sent. I had a dream last night that I talked to him, told him I didn't understand why he did what he did, did not understand how he could throw away my love and the life we had together so quickly and easily. In my dream, his response was to blame me, which I believe would be his response now.
I want to cut the emotional ties with him. I don't know if I will ever forgive him for the actions he took, but I have accepted it has happened and see him in a more realistic way. I married a man I thought I knew, but I didn't really know him.
My sense is that I will not get closure from him, it's something I have to do within me. I know it is a process and one that I can't rush. But it feels like there is an action I can take. We had a wedding to celebrate the beginning of the marriage, what do you do to honor the ending of the marriage?