I totally agree with GraceRunner .... there is no way that NC can be maintained throughout the child's life.
This WILL have a detrimental effect on the child. The child will KNOW that his parents don't talk/see each other and will become suspicious!
I have 2 adopted children who have contact atm with their birth mum. Birth mum refuses to interact with me, will not be in the same room as me so I always drop children off with a social worker who then takes them into room where birth mum is waiting. Im guessing this will be the same for you?
When my children come home from contact ... they are disruptive and can become very clingy. they don't know who to trust yet and who is who. I, know this is a completely different situation and that you will be the birth father BUT the child in question WILL know something is different about them. Yes, parents split and have joint custody of the child, but these parents speak to each other, or at least drop off outside house etc ... what like GraceRunner says, happens if your child needs any emergency treatment while in your care? You WILL have to contact the mother ... Im not sure how you would get around this situation, but as GraceRunner has already suggested, could your wife do the dropping off and picking up?
May I also say how lucky you are that your wife is so understanding about this child. I know all children are innocent and this child didn't ask to be born, but being the scorned wife Im not entirely sure I would be able to .... especially as you and your wife were unable to have any other children after your first.
Very very understanding wife you have there and I hope you count your lucky stars every day