This is a hard thing to swallow. But affair enablers are everywhere. If an affair has any legs to it, there are almost certainly people that you know that know what your spouse is doing. And it's sickening.
They get to watch as a good marriage burns to the ground. The pain, doubt and suffering is not theirs.
My ex-w had an entire cheering section, 'friends' she made and even some distant cousins at the line-dancing road house where it all went down.
Hopefully, none of your WH's enablers are close to you. You really don't need people like this in your life.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
Oh yes! It's more common than not that friends of the wayward spouse knew about what they were doing.
My XWW's dysfunctional "friends" not only knew - they provided moral and material support. I never had a problem, cross word, or argument with any of them. They all laughed and joked around with me and my young children while helping to stab us in the back.
The extent they went to facilitate her shitbag affair was sick and sordid. Then again, they are all broken, dysfunctional, toxic, alcoholics, in bad marriages, divorced, and committing adultery themselves. They are all worthy of the Jerry Springer stage all the while thinking they are fabulous.
I've burned bridges with all of them. When my sons are old enough to understand and handle what went on, I will tell them the role each and every one of them played in helping to destroy the family they loved.
MisterSister destroyed a lifelong friendship with his disgusting behaviour. I have seen the BF twice (once at a funeral) since d-day, totally ignored him and he knew better than to try to approach me. I wouldn't have blamed him so much if he didn't tell me about the affair, but to actively assist in the betrayal is unforgivable to me.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
I'm sorry for all of you who've had to go through it. And involving your children is even more sickening. I'm so sick right now I want to throw up.
I am so sorry.
They've all ceased to exist for the most part.. for both WH and I. They are not friends of the marriage so they are effectively dead to us.. Of course the mother will be contacted from time to time to see if she's still alive, but that's pretty much the extent of it.
Cut these enablers out of your lives, they are not friends of your marriage/relationship.
[This message edited by LadyLove at 7:31 PM, January 13th (Monday)]
DDay Fall 2012
Don't know if I can live with it.
Always trust your gut. It knows what your head hasn't yet figured out. - Unknown
"The most expensive thing in th world is TRUST, it takes years to earn and just a matter of seconds to lose"
affair enablers are everywhere
Nothing more true ever said. So many people get off on watching others crash and burn, like a day at the racetrack.
Our MC put it best, friend of the marriage or not a friend of the marriage, no other categories.
Not a friend of the ENTIRE marriage! which means the two of you together! THEN THEY ARE GONE FOREVER.
My wife's secret keeping friends are all gone, even if they knew nothing about the affair, there were other secrets (her drug use and drinking), now she goes to AA, meets with three friends who know she's an alcoholic, and works on keeping it open and honest.
Those people were never your marriage's friends....to much "r" for them.
Nobody needs "fiends" of the marriage....
BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo
from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys
After the A, my ex and the OW continued to be part of the group, and I lost every friend that I had.