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Ex-BF has a girlfriend

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hurtbs posted 1/13/2014 19:18 PM

EXBF and I broke up on very good terms. I moved 1,500 miles and he moved to another city as well. Neither of us wanted a long-term relationship with no end in site. We were both focused on our careers and some big changes. I wish him the best and want him to be happy.

HOwever, today I learned that he has a GF. I'm not 100% positive, I didn't confirm. Just came across a picture today that made me feel that's what's going on. I don't need to confirm, it's not my business and let's face it, the answers are just painful. He really is a wonderful man and deserves to have a wonderful relationship. I want him to be happy, I just don't want to hear about it. Also, I want to be prettier than her.

Just feeling bummed. Even though it's been seven months (totally appropriate for him to date), just sucks. Probably more so because my dating life is just... sad.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 7:54 PM, January 13th (Monday)]

jo2love posted 1/13/2014 19:26 PM


nowiknow23 posted 1/13/2014 19:27 PM

((((hurtbs)))) You are the bomb, lady. And don't you ever forget it.

Pentup posted 1/13/2014 22:14 PM

Even if you are not a country fan, play Lee Ann Womacks, "I'll think of a Reason later"
Edited to correct typo that made it the wrong song!

[This message edited by Pentup at 12:44 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]

Exit Wounds posted 1/14/2014 08:35 AM

(((hurtbs))) I'm sorry you are hurting...hugs and more hugs.

cayc posted 1/14/2014 08:43 AM


It's not a comment on you. You're just in re-build mode. Courage.

Beemer posted 1/14/2014 09:05 AM

Also, I want to be prettier than her

I'm sorry - but that made me laugh

Hugs to you ((hurtbs))

BrokenDaisy posted 1/14/2014 10:29 AM


hurtbs posted 1/14/2014 11:25 AM

Cayc - I wish I were just in rebuilding more. I've been actively trying to date for months - socializing with friends, going to events, telling people I'm open to being set up, online dating...

All I'm meeting are creepers, the elderly, and lesbians. At this point, I'm just going to switch teams. :/

ETA: I just deleted Instagram from my phone. I obsessing about checking it again. I've already deleted him from social media accounts, this was the last connection

[This message edited by hurtbs at 11:26 AM, January 14th (Tuesday)]

Amazonia posted 1/14/2014 18:45 PM

I get it. My first post-D relationship ended because of distance too, and a few years out, I can almost guarantee you that I will always love him. I don't think I would even want the relationship back after this time, but I can't stand the thought of him being with someone else, even though I do so much hope he his life is filled with joy and that he does find love. I wouldn't be able to go back, but I can't stop missing him either. I wish I could. It seems to come and go in waves, sometimes much harder than others.


hurtbs posted 1/14/2014 20:49 PM

Thanks Amazonia, that's how I feel. The relationship unnaturally ended - but for the right reasons. I'm really surprised how depressed I have been all day. I'm glad I took the Instagram App off my phone, I found myself unconsciously reaching for it... I just need to go full on NC for a while with him.

It's just this final nail... the relationship is really over and he has moved on. And in spite of many attempts, I guess I feel like I'm just running in place. He's on a new relationship and I haven't even kissed a guy. I had a shorter dry spell after my divorce!

Kitty70 posted 1/14/2014 22:06 PM

That is always the biggest fear for me. The thought of my man with someone else. It really hurts. I'm sorry. Try not to 'find' out if you can.

LearningToRun posted 1/15/2014 14:27 PM

"Comparison is the Thief of Joy"

You are all in speculation over a picture with no real proof. I can guarantee you the fantasy picture you have of their R painted in your head isn't the reality. (your imagination is probably much better!)

This is so normal. I don't even think if you had someone it would feel any different.

You are mourning at your own pace. When you are healthy, someone healthy will come along. You wouldn't want broken just because it would make your instagram look good, right?

Focus on you and let him go so you can heal. You are doing the right things for the right reasons, trust in that.

hurtbs posted 1/15/2014 15:55 PM

You are mourning at your own pace. When you are healthy, someone healthy will come along. You wouldn't want broken just because it would make your instagram look good, right?

Learning, this is not my exWH. Ex-BF and I had a great relationship that was very healthy, as is he. I don't know if he has a girlfriend (but I'm almost positive he does). I don't know what their relationship is like at all. I also know that it doesn't matter. Ex-BF isn't broken, our relationship wasn't broken, and I'm not broken.

traicionada posted 1/15/2014 21:29 PM


Of course, you are not broken darling. You have done a lot of work to be healthy and breaking up with your XBF so you could pursue your dreams is living proof of it. Broken people over compromised and then regret it; you didn't.

hurtbs posted 1/16/2014 19:38 PM

Broken people over compromised and then regret it;

Thanks Traic, this really resonates. I took a great job opportunity instead of passing to see if/how things would work out with exBF. You're right, over-compromising for a relationship is never good. No matter how I'm feeling now, ultimately I know that I made the right decision.

With feelings, I know I just have to go through them. Going through them just sucks.

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