SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

GotPlayed posted 1/14/2014 00:34 AM

I'm a happy-go-lucky BS. I feel better mentally because I was always an optimist, silver lining kind of guy (and now that I'm out of the same living space of "doom-and-gloom-forever WW", it has a way of feeding back into myself and my kids instead of dissipating into her black hole of negativity, so even our babysitter comments how happy and calm the kids are here versus over there).

Cool. So far so good.

But I can't say I'm not stressed. I'm one of those people whose body tells them, instead of the mind.

Since D-Day in November, I have lost 16-20 pounds. The last 3 this last week, even though I've been feeling great. I'm a 6 foot tall, 154lb person, while a couple years ago I was actually considered on the heavier side of the "normal" BMI scale. I have been eating better and taking vitamins daily, but it's not helping.

I'm also still waking up in a cold sweat at 2 or 3am (I never had sweat in my sleep before). My kid with Autism wakes up at 5, and that used to make me very tired by the end of the work week (WW never did do mornings or nighttime with him), but now it doesn't phase me, because I've been awake for 2-3 hours. This has gone on since d-day too.

So while I feel great mentally, my body seems to be still screaming there's everything seriously wrong. I'm hoping my body catches up to my mood soon.

I want to join a gym, there's one nearby to my new place. But I'm worried that if I do cardio (my preferred activity) I will continue losing weight.

I went to a Doctor in December and got a full panel, including STDs. Told the Dr exactly my situation so she'd understand the stress - I had already lost about 10lbs. All my blood tests were better than ever (small trygliceride and sugar problems I had a couple years ago disappeared).

I made a followup appointment.

Is there anything other people in the "infidelity diet" were able to do to fix their bodies? It's like mine is no longer taking the nutrients out of the food or something, or burning it right off with the cold sweat/constant vigil. I think I'm eating plenty, and I'm attempting to carb out even. Not sure what to do.

headdesk posted 1/14/2014 00:52 AM

Look for nutrient dense, protein rich foods, like nuts. I think working out makes sense, because you're helping make some of the happy brain chemicals and burn off the stress ones - you can balance that with caloric intake (like said nuts or ensure, etc).

I too have my body represent stress. Currently I'm still dealing with the insomnia and unhappy tummy stuff. Not fun.

Hang in there!

1owner posted 1/14/2014 06:38 AM

I'm like you, I lost a ton of weight, body shriveled up temporarily. During that time, sleep was not happening for me.

About 4 months after dday, I just let go mentally of my WW. I finally got to a point where I didn't care about the outcome of our relationship. Did lots of stuff with the kids. Saw some family & friends I haven't seen in a while. Then one night, I finally got a good night sleep, and my appetite returned after that. My weight/body/health has returned to normal. The only negative physical aspect is I seem to have a little gray hair now, just around the temples. Guess I can live with that.

I think as time goes on, you will return to your normal health, as you get further out from dday.

Good luck!

sisoon posted 1/14/2014 07:16 AM

Neither of us was getting a good night's sleep at 3 months. I don't remember when sleep returned but it took a lot longer than 3 months. Fortunately, our schedules are flexible, so we could sleep a long time when we got exhausted.

Can't help on the weight.

tushnurse posted 1/14/2014 07:47 AM

All of this stuff goes hand in hand. If you are in a constant state of anxiety, your body is running on a fight or flight mode, and burns calories quickly. Getting you ready for the fight. This all goes back to our caveman days and need for survival.

So Great you were healthy 10 pounds ago, but have continued to loose weight. Are you really eating? 3 meals a day? With snacks? If not try to start getting that in, with focus on lean healthy proteins getting anywhere from 8-15 Grams of protein at a pop. This means you may benefit from drinking some sort of protein drink, smoothie, or supplement. Go to GNC, or your local health food store and talk to the guys there. Let them know that you are hesitant to work out because you are already at ideal body weight, and are continuing to loose.

The exercise, esp cardio will, help you to sleep better. It will help you burn off the stress/anxiety and allow you to sleep better. If that doesn't help then you may want to consider attempting some meds to try to help you sleep better, but with you kiddo you want to stay away from the popular sleep drugs like Ambien, and Lunesta, and look more for something that takes the edge of the anxiety, and allows you to quiet you mind.

You still have a lot to deal with, and while things are better now that you have removed the negativity, and crazy from your life, you still have a lot to go through. When life is settled things will return to normal. I can tell you I lost over 40 pounds on the infidelity diet, and when I found happy again, it all came right back, almost overnight it seemed.

Good luck

cayc posted 1/14/2014 08:52 AM

It's funny/ironic how sometimes drama plays itself out physically instead of mentally isn't it? I suffer from this too, bad shit shows up on me/in me physically long before I recognize something isn't right in my world. My mind is conditioned to just power through I guess.

Join the gym. Moving is better than not. Endorphins are good. Yeah, maybe add some weight training into it all? Powerlifting weight training I mean. But then that's my bias because it's what I enjoy. I like it because there's a mental component. You are challenging yourself in a new way, it takes positive thought to make that heavier lift etc.

And if you really are just not an eater, one of those people who can work all day and "forget" to eat, then those protein shakes are really good for that. They are calorie and nutrient dense (though a tad high in sugar) but not so filling either.

Idk, ride this out a little. I love how committed you are to fixing, solving, moving forward, being okay. You are kind of an inspiration to me. But at the same time, sometimes it's okay to just relax and let things be and let them sort themselves out naturally over time

Justgreatnews posted 1/14/2014 09:15 AM

Yep, lift weights and eat, you'll gradually put it on. You'll feel better, too. With the weight you'll have to start out low and slow, but you'll progress fast. Bench press, military press (over the head), leg press, curls, lat press, etc.

When I was wanting to add weight I'd just try to remember to eat something a couple times a day outside of meals; at times I'd normally not.

Peanut butter is always good. Have some Ovaltine or Instant Breakfast in milk. Keep muffins or cupcakes around. Even stuff like apples and bananas can help, though they are not packed with calories. At least they're not fatty.

GotPlayed posted 1/15/2014 11:46 AM

Thanks everyone!

I am going to try the exercising thing. Thursday I drop the kids off again. I'm going to try to sign up for Thursday afternoons and Fridays to start.

I already had grays around my sideburns. I guess I'll have more of them.

I am not on any medicine whatsoever, and I kind of like it that way. Therapist said the other day I'd be completely justified in requesting them, but he said it was my choice and he saw I was handling it ok. So far I choose to find other ways to relax (music, meditation, prayer etc). Exercise should do the trick.

@cayc thank you so much. I'm continuing to see my therapist (just saw him yesterday) and doing everything "the right way", but yes, it takes all my extra brainpower post-work+kids. I got my guitar back and I want to start practicing but there hasn't been any time. I'll try to relax this weekend a bit.

Doing a shopping list for tonight and adding some of the stuff here. Thanks!

Thanks again everyone!