Madness Muse this is the UK official definition of domestic violence.
The Government /Women’s aid and other charities and organizations on domestic abuse.
defines domestic violence as "Any incident of threatening behavior, violence or abuse …..
Any Force during an Argument
Abusers often begin by clenching their fists and mimicking punches. They may hold onto their partner to prevent her from leaving a room or walking away from a tirade. Physical abuse can be anything from cornering the victim and holding her back so she can't move, even restraint, such as if he crowds you against a wall
Threats: making angry gestures, using physical size to intimidate, shouting you down, destroying possessions, throw things, breaking things, punching walls…
Physical violence: Grabbing, , pushing, shoving,
Shouting/mocking/accusing/name calling/verbally threatening.
Breaking trust: lying to you, having other relationships, In many instances, betrayal through infidelity can be very close to what we term domestic violence. Infidelity is a choice and that choice is abusive in nature.
Denial: saying the abuse doesn't happen, saying you caused the abusive behavior, being publicly gentle and patient, crying and begging for forgiveness, saying it will never happen again. Abusive actions are frequently followed by expressed remorse, apologies and promises.
BIG warning sign! An abuser may physically restrain you from leaving the room, lash out at you with his/her hand or another object, pin you against a wall or shout 'right in your face'. Basically any form of force used during an argument can be a sign that serious physical violence is a strong possibility.
The abuser will deny feelings stem from within him but see them as reactions to your behavior or attitude toward him. He may tell you that 'you make me mad', 'you're hurting me by not doing what I ask', or that he cannot help feeling mad, upset, etc. Feelings may be used to manipulate you, i.e. 'I would not be angry if you didn't .Consequently, you are also to blame for any negative feelings such as anger, upset.
He may keep you up all night to 'sort this out once and for all'
Beating items of furniture or throwing objects will often be justified by saying you wound him up so much they lost control, once again shifting the blame for this behavior on to you, but is actually used to terrorize you into submission. Only very immature or abusive people beat on objects in the presence of other people in order to threaten or intimidate them.
Very rarely do abusers conform to the stereotypical image of a constantly harsh, nasty or violent person, either in public or in private. More frequently the abuser portrays a perfectly normal and pleasant picture to the outside world (often they have responsible jobs or are respected and important members of the local community or Church) and reserves the abuse for you in the privacy of your own home. Nor are abusers always overtly abusive or cruel, but can display apparent kindness and consideration. This Jeckyll and Hyde tendency of the abuser serves to further confuse the victim, while protecting themselves from any form of suspicion from outsiders.