I briefly considered posting this in Recon but decided I hadn't had a good vent lately, so here we are.
Reading SMS's thread in Recon empowered me and reminded me of some of those really bad early days in 2011. This thread is for us BS's who had already survived a pile of shit prior to day. And looked the OW in the eye (literally or figuratively) and said, "Bitch, is that all you got?"
Here's my vent:
WHOREIBLE,
You told me once that I was an abusive Bitch who deserved what had happened to me. Whatever. All you know about me is the lies my H told you when he was trying to get in your pants, and whatever your 9th grade education allowed you to glean from my face book and other public information. (Oh, by the way, in case you missed spelling class that day, "glean" means to find or harvest something that is hidden or was missed on the first pass)
So let me tell you who I am and why you will NEVER destroy me.
I grew up with a mentally ill mother who went from suicidal depression to euphoria and back in less time than it took to change her clothes. I was sexually abused by her brother, who she allowed to live with us rent-free in exchange for "babysitting." When I was 7 years old, I can remember him pulling me out from under my bed where I was hiding, and my mother yelling at me for waking her up by screaming.
That did not destroy me.
I was a child prodigy, reading before I was 4 years old and hyperactive as hell. I was studied by psychologists, barely tolerated by teachers who didn't understand me, and tormented by classmates.
That did not destroy me.
I was raped when I was 19 and a virgin. I got pregnant from that encounter and gave birth to a baby girl who I gave up for adoption 2 days later. The man who raped me was a soldier, a friend of my brother's. When I told him I was pregnant, he told his commander that I had screwed multiple guys that night and the father could have been anyone. The commander wrote to my parents that the gang bang story was much more believable than a 19 year old virgin and declined to get involved. There is a monstrous, gaping hole in my heart where my daughter should be.
But it did not destroy me.
I drank and drugged myself into oblivion off and on for the next 21 years. I used amounts of narcotics that should have killed me. I was arrested, lost my nursing license, did things that cause me unimaginable shame.
But that did not destroy me.
My 1st husband cheated on me. And gave his whore the ammunition to use against me when she said to me, "You act like you're such a good mother. What about your other kid, the one you gave away so you could stay in college?"
It did not destroy me.
I was left alone with a toddler and a mountain of debt. XWH sent $70 once. ONCE.
It did not destroy me.
I climbed out of debt by myself. Raised my son alone until I met JM. I went from being unemployable as a nurse to winning a national award for excellence. I wrote a professional book that has made me over $50,000 since it was published. I got sober in 2008. I am a worship leader and vocalist and have had the privilege of sharing my story many times. And every single time, someone has come to me and thanked me for giving them hope.
I may get bent but I have never broken. I may get knocked down but I have gotten up every time.
So excuse me, you pathetic bint, for not crumbling apart after your sad little attempt to destroy my life. You want a piece of me, you better pack a lunch.
