SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

whywhywhywhy posted 1/14/2014 20:59 PM

apparently not as serious as c or a and no HIV but this nightmare keeps getting worse.
First after 23 years he decides hes leaving as he is "not happy" swears theres no one else just needs to find himself etc etc

- 2 months gone realize he has had a GF and years and years of lies tumble out (not because he told me but i found out)- dating websites, PA's, escorts!!! etc

-3 months in- kids reveal in counselling that they know he has been cheating for years and couldnt tell me. oldest daughter confronted him 2 or so years ago and he intimidated her into thinking she "didnt see what she thought she saw"... meanwhile i was busy boosting his ego by telling everyone what a great and involved dad he was...

- 4 months in- great support, counsellors, kids doing better, doing fine financially, work good- STD tests come back. HEP B... new set of blood work ordered and referred to a hematologist? to check liver

ok i now officially think i can no longer do this.
I dont claim to be perfect but omg HOW could he do this to me???

Skan posted 1/14/2014 21:06 PM

Ah sweetie. (((hugs))) I'm so sorry.

nomoredreams posted 1/14/2014 21:24 PM

When you are waiting for those results to come back, you do not really expect a positive, do you? No, they are jerks but they would not really do this to us would they...?

Well, maybe not intentionally, but the dumbasses did it any way. I am so unbelievably sorry for your hell. God's strength and blessing for you...

nmd

nowiknow23 posted 1/14/2014 21:53 PM

((((whywhywhywhy))))

burnedcanuckEMS posted 1/14/2014 21:58 PM

Oh my... so sorry to hear this! How awful for you! Yes, be thankful it wasn't worse such as HIV. Will send positive thoughts that whatever medical treatments you get for this will help your liver recover. I tested clean thankfully however my last boyfriend who ai discovered was married AND dating more women than just me (I dumped his sorry ass when I found this out) gave me a few bouts of bacterial vaginosis. When I became symptomatic from it I was terrified, even drove two hours to see a different doctor due to embarrasment!! Two rounds of treatment and all is well but I tell ya, I have now been totally celibate for ten months with no regrets!! Best of luck to you, you don't deserve this at all.

Girlietoo posted 1/15/2014 07:07 AM

I'm really sorry for you and for your children. Not only is he an awful husband but to put innocent children through that takes the cake.

Again, I'm really sorry.

solus sto posted 1/15/2014 07:28 AM

(((whywhywhywhy))) I'm so very sorry. Hepatitis is scary business. Hopefully, your body will clear the acute infection and you will not progress to chronic hepatitis. (Unlike hepatitis A, which usually resolves within about six months, hepatitis B and C can cause chronic liver disease.)

It's REALLY important that you get an excellent hepatologist who is very up-to-date on current approaches. Acute hepatitis B is usually not treated, but chronic hepatitis is; the treatment can help prevent liver damage. So you'll want to find someone who knows how best to treat it. Don't accept a "wait and see" approach. Yes, you will have to do a certain amount of waiting to see if chronic disease develops. But there should be a plan of care in place--for monitoring, for initiating treatment if necessary, and for monitoring the effects of treatment at defined intervals. If you want to know some questions to ask the hepatologist, PM me; I've been down the liver disease route both professionally and as the sister of a man with hepatitis.

Someone said, "Be glad it wasn't something worse." Really, it's important to keep it from becoming something worse, and a good hepatologist can up the odds. If you don't know where to find one, I'd check the nearest medical university. That's where you'll get the most up-to-date evaluation and treatment.

I am so very sorry. It is horrible, horrible, horrible that people who purport to love us can do things that put us in such danger. You did not deserve this.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers---I am hoping you get the very good news that your body dispatches the virus well, and you have a full recovery.

Millions of hugs to you.

[This message edited by solus sto at 7:37 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)]

NeverAgain2013 posted 1/15/2014 07:43 AM

It's horrific enough when they betray our emotions, our sense of familial security, and our trust in them as the one person we always thought had our backs in this world.

But when they transcend even THAT line and add insult to injury by playing Russian Roulette with our sexual health, I just think it enters the realm of unforgiveable at that point. That just screams of someone having absolutely zero respect or concern for their spouse's welfare and wellbeing.

You deserve so much better, whywhywhywhy. SO much better.

For what it's worth, I don't believe he set out to "do this to you." I believe you're merely the collateral damage caused by his disgusting, disrespectful quest to reach the absolute lowest point of his entire life. He's toxic and has stained you, your marriage, your children (for YEARS), and now your health on top of everything else.

Sending you strength.

lordhasaplan? posted 1/15/2014 07:59 AM

((((whywhywhywhy))))

What a wonderful gift he gave

tushnurse posted 1/15/2014 10:00 AM

((((Whywhywhywhy)))

Go back and re-read Solus post. Smart cookie that one is.

Seriously though you do need a Hepatologist (liver Dr, often also a gastroenterologist), not a hematologisy (cancer dr) or a Herpatologist (one who studies frogs/turtles/snakes). Although you are dealing with a snake, your liver comes first.

I know it's overwhelming thinking how in the world could someone knowingly do this to you. I know it would be a real stopping point for me, and might be a deal breaker. Even if he is doing everything right at this point.

He also needs to know this information, and go get himself tested/treated as well.
Treatment for Hep B has improved drastically, and if taken care of and not ignored often have very good outcomes.

Keep posting, keep putting yourself first, and stay strong for those kids.

((((and strength))))

whywhywhywhy posted 1/15/2014 10:57 AM

thanks you guys= i am in shock and ...no need to worry about "doing everything right" he has left, has gone with his AP and until last night i didnt know that when my 15 year old was visiting him the odd time for an overnite visit he was with the AP. She stays there all the time (15 year old says)- he had pressured her into keeping the secret of this woman from me and everyone else so the poor kid has been holding it in. (already has anxiety issues)
imagine my surprise when she called in the middle of the night to come home- dad and the AP were having sex SO LOUDLY that she freaked out - she got picked up with him running down the street after her yelling "i thought you were ok with this!!!" F'ed up ....really f'ed up...

thanks for all the hugs... so when is the nightmare over?