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My BS. She is carrying all the pain from my affair. I turned her world upside down. I harmed her emotionally, psychologically and physically. Yet she is still able to carry on with her life. She has triggers and we have our roller coasters but she is resilient. I am learning a lot from her. Then there are the couples that I know that are still together caring and looking out for each other inspite of personal tragedies and financial hardship. I see them when they bicker and have their difficult moments but what I see at the end of those moments is the deep regard they have for each other. I learn from them too. Sometimes it is just couples I see on the street. Once I saw an older couple walking, gently holding hands and wearing peaceful smiles.

I admire my FWH. Yes, he had an affair but he has done everything to try to help me heal. He listened to my tirades, accepted and answered my questions, and made the choice to help me heal. I was horrible to him after dday, but 7 years later...here we are.

grains,
This is a great post.

I've always admired my BW's strength and determination, and even more now as we grow together through the pain of my affair. I tell her every day how much I appreciate her and am grateful to be able to continue being a part of her life. It has been a long hard and bumpy road but with each step we take, the road gets a bit smoother. We both work very hard on being better individuals as well as a stronger couple.

Once I saw an older couple walking, gently holding hands and wearing peaceful smiles.

Every so often on our walks we see older couples sitting together on a park bench holding hands and just enjoying the surroundings and each others company and that makes me smile and gives me hope.

Thank you for sharing.

@confused girl
It is inspiring what you said about your FWH. I did not know that it was possible.

@lostmylight55
I hope we can be like those old couples with our partners. Their feelings are so uncomplicated yet so deep.

[This message edited by grains at 1:40 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]

I must mention the people outside of the marriage who really listen with empathy and compassion to our stories. I know what it is like to judge people and feel that I am better than them. It is one of the bad habits I am trying to change. Then I realize how one can be welcomed with empathy and understanding. Not everybody does this because it requires effort, reflection and experience. It is probably people who have suffered and carried their suffering with dignity, humity and resilience who have this character. They are healers too.

@grains - to be very honest, I didn't know that I would be able to get her either. I have a very long memory and find forgiveness difficult. I started out telling myself "I will stay a year" and then the year passed and it was a bit better so I decided "I will stay one more year". By the third year, I forgot when the date I set even rolled around.

You have given me a lot of hope. Thank you.

I spent a wonderful weekend with my BS. I kept thinking how I betrayed her and caused her so much pain. She trusted me and felt safe with me and I abandoned her and threw away our marriage. We are trying to reconcile and she has shown me kindness that I do not deserve. I am very lucky and can only work hard to deserve what she is showing me.