whatlysbeneath, getting to that "decisive" point is a big part of beginning the healing process.
My situation happened so fast (2 months from DDay#1 to divorce)that at first I was sad that I/we didn't have time to try and save the M.
But, as time has gone by I know that she wasn't the person I thought she was when we were first married. I have moved on and I am very happy.
Our kids (youngest now 21) all seem to be handling it well. I am still good/cordial to their mom but I really don't want any emotional bond at all as I know it could only bring pain.
The X seems to be happy, her kids love her (I never told them although I am pretty sure they suspected the A's) and she is enjoying the attention of various men chasing after her. I wish her well and I guess if that is what she want's it doesn't matter to me.
If I feel anything for her it would be sadness, as I know that some day she will wake up an old women with no one to grow older with.
Moving on hurts like hell at first, but it is the first step to getting better. The secret for myself was minimizing contact to strictly business (so to speak). It took me while to figure out but blocking her on FB, and not snooping in her life (checking various on line stuff) sped my recovery as well.
Strength and peace to you brother!!
[This message edited by bigskyblues at 5:18 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)]
4 kids all adults.
Married 22+ years.
I have moved on and life is good!