Wow how spot on you are. Its so true, I think that's where I am at, I am fighting, to break my habit of downing myself and the helpless hopeless feeling, and not standing up or growing.
All these years of thinking and feeling and acting, to change in 14 months, who is a person fooling. I revert to old feelings and thoughts, the good thing is I am aware now, and I want different.
What I am finding though is the winter is long and, I have choosen to put my family first, so the long days by myself , are the hardest. Both kids in school now. To take on more projects to fill my day or a job or volunteer would add more stress to our family. My BH works away from home , so a lot of days its me and the kids.
I know when looking at my affairs, my stress level was extremely high, and when I get stress or anxiety, I add more projects. hmmm So I know I am feeling a lot of anxiety and stress and want to do something different or change something so I can redirect my focus, the problem is, its my way of escaping. And it also adds to the stress and anxiety and takes even more time and energy from my H , children and me. Its such a balancing act.
The good part I see it. The bad part, I find my self searching for new ideas to entertain myself.
I have a hard time living in the now and being content.
Anyways, this post is something that just came in line with my own thoughts this morning.