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More inappropriate behavior-boundries

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million tears posted 1/15/2014 10:41 AM

I mentioned before that my WH went out of state to see a concert. I asked him to tell me everything that happened. He mentioned he had gone to a bar that we had been to together. It has a dance floor and everyone just dances with everyone else.

He told me that two "lesbians" sandwiched him between them and danced with him for a minute. I asked how he knew they were lesbians and he said because of one girl's hairstyle. ::eyeroll::

I told him I didn't like it. He has had two other inappropriate (although worse) encounters recently. He told me he can't win. I get mad when he lies. I get mad when he tells me the truth. I told him he shouldn't put himself in these situations.

We had other friends at the bar who had gone to the concert. I said, "Don't you think it's embarrassing to me to have to face these people when they know how little respect you have for me?"

Am I overreacting?

Pass posted 1/15/2014 11:15 AM

You are NOT overreacting!

He told me he can't win. I get mad when he lies. I get mad when he tells me the truth. I told him he shouldn't put himself in these situations.

Right. If he stops letting these things happen, everyone wins. He is not doing enough to earn the reconciliation you have so generously offered.

nowiknow23 posted 1/15/2014 11:35 AM

Not overreacting. ((((million tears))))

SpotlessMind posted 1/15/2014 12:46 PM

((((Million Tears)))))

You are so not over-reacting but ugh, this is a little tough. I do somewhat agree that when you want truth but reward it with anger, this can be damaging to honesty in the future (thinking specifically of my children here).

BUT you are absolutely right that he is not keeping appropriate boundaries, if they are upsetting you.

Maybe the solution is going over very specific boundaries again, with other women? Then there is no room for him to wonder or feign confusion over why you are upset.

I would say if you can react calmly, it might help though? Something like, "I really appreciate you being honest with me. I know that can be difficult. I'm also sorry to hear that you were unable to maintain good boundaries. This is unfortunately something that isn't going to work for me."

Or something. And it's basically just me babbling, so hopefully it's not nonsensical...

MartlArts posted 1/15/2014 14:38 PM

I'm sorry - I took a peek at your profile trying to get a sense how far out you are from d-day. With his hiistory, and current behavior, I wouldn't think you were overreacting if you put his stuff in a Hefty bag and changed the locks.

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