[This message edited by PurpleLilac at 12:25 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)]
You need to protect yourself. You need to take control of this situation and make some demands. He joins you, he leaves ow, he gives you 100% transparency, he makes you his priority. Should he balk at this in any way shape or form go to an attorney and file.
You are bein abused, and at 43 it's time to take control and get some joy out of life. Contact your kids continue your sobriety and take control of the things you can. You. Your life and your happiness are all in your control.
((( and strength)))
I know that this situation has been gut wrenching for you.
I feel soo ugly and ashamed and inadequate.. I feel empty, lost, alone and totally dead...paralyzed.
The first thing that you need to accept is that is choice to stray falls in his inadequacy and not yours. Please don't internalize it. I know that it is so easy to do that.
I couldn't imagine going through it and thought, "if that ever happened to me, I'll leave"
I said that same thing too, but when it was my turn to deal with it I changed my mind.
I have no money or medical so I can't afford counseling
Do you belong to a church? You might find resources there to help you. Please read up on depression and check yourself against it. Don't let it rise up and consume you.
At moment things are still very fresh and highly emotional. This is quite normal and you must know that it takes time and effort to sort through this.
Please keep reading and posting. There is a thread in the I Can Relate forum where you might find some targeted advice about OC (other children, ie child of the affair). The folks that do post in there might have some better targeted advice for you.
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
The pain is evident in your posts. So much on your plate right now between your H, your new granchild, the loss of your cat and your job... It can all seem so very overwhelming. And yet you are maintaining your sobriety in the face of all that stress and unwelcome change, and reaching out for help. All that speaks volumes about your strength and resiliency.
There's no doubt that the pregnancy complicates things exponentially. There is a thread in the I Can Relate forum for betrayed spouses who are faced with an OC (other child = child conceived from infidelity). The community on that thread has walked that path, some while reconciling with their spouses and others while divorcing. Regardless of where you want to head with your marriage, they will understand and help you find your way through that particular piece of the puzzle.
I hope you will continue to post and read here. There are so many people eager to help you. You may not always get an answer or advice that you like, but you will always get it from people who sincerely care and want to share their perspectives. Take what works for you and leave the rest.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
If you feel in your heart that moving back will help save your marriage then get on the next plane. I would be there like yesterday. Please don't tell him you are coming just show up there. Going there might even get you closure as he might even be living with her and know you would never know. This is gonna sound harsh but by you going back up to Alaska she might even get an abortion because now she can't have him. She probably got pregnant to keep him so you showing up might screw her plans up. I would go unannounced and make sure all our electronic devices are not pointing your location so when he doesn't hear from you he doesn't figure out you are on your way to Alaksa. I'm wishing you the best of luck.
BW - Me (29)
WH - Him my JH sweetheart (34)
Married - 8 years
2 babies - DD (4) and DD (1)
OW#1 - PA with classmate for 2 months
OW#2 - Some slut living oversees that needs a green card. EA & PA going on for ye
Hope you are still reading - please don't go away. Every now and then we get advice we don't like. It happens - and it is a bit harder when you are still so raw. No matter the delivery though, the intent is always in your best interests from their experience. A lot of BTDT on this site (BTDT = Been There Done That ). Some people on here are really scary. Sometimes they are really accurate. Nothing is 100% though, and every opinion is based on the information you provide, and how it relates to their experience. It's all good . Stick around - you'll be glad you did. I am. It saved my marriage.
Please keep us updated.
Today I know I have boundaries.. Today I choose to live for me.