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Not sure about R

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cardnial posted 1/15/2014 16:14 PM

I really don't know where I belong. My WH had an affair, I found out in Aug. 2013. I threw him out and he left for 2 months. He said he wanted to come back north to get the house ready for winter. After he got home we started talking about R, got into MC and that was ok for awhile. Then he said he doesn't need it any more but he would keep going if I insist. We are moving to Al. and he is there now living with our daughter and her family while they work on the house. I am so scared to move, I thought I had worked it all out in my head? Seems like the pieces went back to gather but there are still a lot of gaps. I stayed in counseling, I am still up north, trying to sell this house. This was not his 1st affair, he has had many, but this is the 1st time I ever threw him out,saw a lawyer, etc. I still have so much resentment for him, sometimes I find myself thinking of ways to hurt him or just mess with his head. I think I got played and I guess I want justice! I think I am just sticking around because I like being married and he pays all the bills, etc. He has been very sorry he hurt his family, but I don't like him very much. If he was someone I had just met, I would never even be friends with him. Not sure about love either, I guess I just don't want to be alone. I can never trust him so I figure just take him for the material things he can give me. This is who I am now, it makes me feel sick. I feel sad and depressed, on antidepressants now. I feel like I may always hate him deep down inside. Advise?

cardnial posted 1/15/2014 16:25 PM

PS. I forgot to mention we are both in our 60's. I am 63 WH is 67 and I think being this age married over 40 years why bother why rock the boat, at least of security.?

unfound posted 1/15/2014 19:24 PM

If he doesn't get to the bottom of why he can't be faithful, he probably will continue to be unfaithful. It sounds like he's begrudgingly offering to continue MC, not because he wants to, but only because you do.

everyone has their own reasons for staying or leaving.

I just don't want to be alone
why?

Itstoohard posted 1/15/2014 19:28 PM

I hear you. Age really has a larger impact on if you leave or stay. ( hugs)

cardnial posted 1/15/2014 20:57 PM

Yes, I think there is very strong chance of WH cheating again. I think that's a reason I hold back, and then I put another resentment brick in my wall. I have been married since I was 17 yrs old, I guess that's why I am afraid to be on my own. My own father left us for OW, got some issues for sure. I just feel sad and lost. I am going to move south, don't know if that will be better for me but at least I will have 1 of my daughters close by. I don't want to give this man my heart again, it's just too risky. I feel like maybe a lot of women my age just settle and that's what I would be doing as well. Do they ever get so old that they don't cheat anymore?

OakStreet posted 1/15/2014 21:55 PM

I, too, am looking for advice on the effects of "age" in dealing with an affair and R.
My WH is 65 and looking into retirement. I can't believe he chose to be such a cliché at this stage of his life!
After the shock, grief and sadness over his actions, I am just feeling mad now. I looked in "I can relate" forum for any advice on the subject of "older couples", but couldn't find it.

Any leads?

cardnial posted 1/15/2014 22:39 PM

Oak street, I see a lot of people our age just settling for what we got. Both of my sister's are in bad relationships after they separated from there WH. Now they both are worse off. They tell me just to settle because at least I have security and a good income. What a sad way to live out my remaining days. I sometimes hate my WH . We were the ideal couple, everyone thought we had it all, so did I. I was so blindsided by this affair, I mean holy hell he is 67 yrs old. Does it never stop? I don't even want to track him or spy on him. I figure he will screw up sooner or later and it will fall into my lap again.I am just so tired of it all now. I just want to have some peace in my life. And even if he never cheats again it will be because he is too old has a bad heart and cannot get an erection. I wanted it to stop yrs age because he said he loved me but now I see he didn't really love me, he loves himself and he is selfish. So that's it? I don't know what to do anymore, like I said I am just tired, so tired.

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