(((CosmoGirl))). I'm so sorry-- I can tell how much you are hurting/struggling.
The thing is--respect, like trust, is earned. Especially once broken. So he might actually be right. You might NOT respect him right now. Or, not as much as he wants. And why should you? He did things that were pretty heinously UNrespectable.
He wants instant redemption? Too bad. Maybe if he started opening up and owning his mess more by, say, giving you an actual date. That might be a great way to start.
Honestly, it sounds like he might have entitlement issues that still need working out in IC. Is he going to IC?
I'm sorry that he is rewriting your past. I know how incredibly hurtful that can be.
I can relate to your story a ton, bc my friends were also jealous of what a "supportive" husband I had, in terms of watching kids, etc. Supportive. While he was texting/Facebooking/chatting up/Ashley Madison-ing (yes, I just made that a verb)/screwing x number of women. That kind of support I could do without, thank you very much.
And in a recent fight, he brought up respect. Incredulously, I said, "really? You have the balls to bring up respect?" I think it was in a knee jerk reaction of insanity on his part, though--acting out of fear that I was done.
Which leads me to--is your WH not very self-aware? Does he have trouble expressing his true feelings? Or even understanding what those are? Bc the anger, etc, is often a defense mechanism for people like that. I know it's an issue my WH is working on.