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missy1 posted 1/15/2014 21:14 PM

Just found out my husband of almost 16 years had a 2 mos affair. He has ended the affair and says he wants to work it out. I don't trust him. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of a loved one. I am on an emotional rollercoaster

sunsetslost posted 1/15/2014 21:23 PM

I'm sorry you're here but you've come to the right place. The most important thing right now is to take care of your basic needs. Food, water, rest. Take care of yourself. There's no need to make a decision on anything yet. Don't pressure yourself into anything too quickly. Read through the healing library.
And always remember that regardless what happens in your life there are 40,000 people here who have been through this and will be here to help you as much as we can.


Brandon808 posted 1/15/2014 21:26 PM

Just wanted to say you are heard and not alone. Sunsetlost gave some very solid advice.

aero1122 posted 1/15/2014 22:38 PM

So sorry you are part of the club nobody ever wants to be in. Take care of yourself right now. You are in for a hell of a ride. I am 5 weeks from d-day and still trying to hold on.

cannibal posted 1/16/2014 01:44 AM

Like others have said sorry your here and you came to the right place. I don't know if it's comforting or not, but you are definitely not alone in your struggle. One thing from the healing library I found particularly comforting was the faq for bs. Here is a link:
I know it's hard at first, but trust me it does get better with time.

PRNDL posted 1/16/2014 05:33 AM

Sorry you are here. Im sorry you are in pain.

Follow the above advice, especially reading through the healing library.

Also, review the 180D and the tactical primer thread please. You may need ithem later.

Ok, I dont know your situation, but I am one of the people on SI that believe that cheaters are the types of people that will continue to cheat or will cheat again. Based on their behavior, they should never be trusted again.

Based on my experience, what I have seen friends and fanily go through, and many many stories of the poor BS on this site, please be prepared to expect anything and everything. Prepare and protect yourself.

What he says was two months may have actually been a year. "We kissed only 3 times" may mean they had sex 50 times.

My wifes alleged 3 month A with only protected sex 3 times, turned out to be a 1.5 year affair with more sex you could ever imagine. Unprotected sex, oral sex, possible STD, they even went on an out of town trip together.

Be prepared for TT and gas lighting.

Eat and get plenty of rest. Most importantly, TRUST YOUR GUT.

You do not have to make decisions now, but do not take this lightly. At least consult with a lawyer.

Do not let him screw with your head. People like him do that very well. Do not tolerate blame shifting.

Good luck

[This message edited by PRNDL at 6:41 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]

missy1 posted 1/17/2014 06:56 AM

Thank you all for the kind words. My husband and I are in counseling. Since the trust is completely broken I keep my guards up. I will never be the same. Im not sure of what the future holds but counseling gives me closure to a lot

Justgreatnews posted 1/17/2014 06:59 AM

Lots of data and research out there to confirm that affairs DO feel like a loss due to death.

Cheaters have to be some of the most thoughtless and inconsiderable people walking the earth.

betrayedme2 posted 1/17/2014 07:29 AM

Hi Missy, Welcome to the club. Glad to hear you're in counseling. Hope you found a great counselor!

Make sure you're buckled up for the roller coaster...meaning, be sure to take care of yourself both physically (eat/drink) and emotionally (take time for yourself).

Wishing you the best and big hugs!

PS, for me personally, I honestly think the pain wouldn't have been so bad if my WS had died. Sounds harsh I know, and no don't wish her physical harm, never have, just saying the betrayal, for me, was much worse than death.

missy1 posted 1/17/2014 08:30 AM

Yes greatnews I Agree I too feel as if I am grieving a death some good days some bad days. Right now I'm leaning on my faith in God

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