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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: Numb
missy1
♀ 42085
Member # 42085
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just found out my husband of almost 16 years had a 2 mos affair. He has ended the affair and says he wants to work it out. I don't trust him. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of a loved one. I am on an emotional rollercoaster

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: missy1
sunsetslost
♂ 39885
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you're here but you've come to the right place. The most important thing right now is to take care of your basic needs. Food, water, rest. Take care of yourself. There's no need to make a decision on anything yet. Don't pressure yourself into anything too quickly. Read through the healing library.
And always remember that regardless what happens in your life there are 40,000 people here who have been through this and will be here to help you as much as we can.

(((missy1)))


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 781 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Brandon808
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to say you are heard and not alone. Sunsetlost gave some very solid advice.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
aero1122
♀ 41575
Member # 41575
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry you are part of the club nobody ever wants to be in. Take care of yourself right now. You are in for a hell of a ride. I am 5 weeks from d-day and still trying to hold on.
(((Hugs)))


Me-35
WH-36
Together 18 years
Married 7 years
2 kids
D-day 12-7-13
Both currently in counseling
Trying to R

I am a warrior!
I will survive and thrive!


Posts: 105 | Registered: Dec 2013
cannibal
♂ 40560
Member # 40560
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like others have said sorry your here and you came to the right place. I don't know if it's comforting or not, but you are definitely not alone in your struggle. One thing from the healing library I found particularly comforting was the faq for bs. Here is a link:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp
I know it's hard at first, but trust me it does get better with time.


Me: BF 35 Her: FWF 35 dss: 17
D-day: 06/06/04. Ons
D-day: 02/28/13. length of A: 4+ months
Seperation after dday
Moved back in 6/20/13
Broke n/c: 07/24/13
Together since: 02/05/02

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: cannibal
PRNDL
♂ 41927
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are here. Im sorry you are in pain.

Follow the above advice, especially reading through the healing library.

Also, review the 180D and the tactical primer thread please. You may need ithem later.

Ok, I dont know your situation, but I am one of the people on SI that believe that cheaters are the types of people that will continue to cheat or will cheat again. Based on their behavior, they should never be trusted again.

Based on my experience, what I have seen friends and fanily go through, and many many stories of the poor BS on this site, please be prepared to expect anything and everything. Prepare and protect yourself.

What he says was two months may have actually been a year. "We kissed only 3 times" may mean they had sex 50 times.

My wifes alleged 3 month A with only protected sex 3 times, turned out to be a 1.5 year affair with more sex you could ever imagine. Unprotected sex, oral sex, possible STD, they even went on an out of town trip together.

Be prepared for TT and gas lighting.

Eat and get plenty of rest. Most importantly, TRUST YOUR GUT.

You do not have to make decisions now, but do not take this lightly. At least consult with a lawyer.

Do not let him screw with your head. People like him do that very well. Do not tolerate blame shifting.


Good luck

[This message edited by PRNDL at 6:41 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]


BH: 36 (me)
WS: 31 / OM: 31
Son: 12
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
Divorced
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 197 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
missy1
♀ 42085
Member # 42085
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the kind words. My husband and I are in counseling. Since the trust is completely broken I keep my guards up. I will never be the same. Im not sure of what the future holds but counseling gives me closure to a lot

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: missy1
Justgreatnews
♂ 41666
Member # 41666
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lots of data and research out there to confirm that affairs DO feel like a loss due to death.

Cheaters have to be some of the most thoughtless and inconsiderable people walking the earth.


Posts: 261 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
betrayedme2
♂ 40639
Member # 40639
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Missy, Welcome to the club. Glad to hear you're in counseling. Hope you found a great counselor!

Make sure you're buckled up for the roller coaster...meaning, be sure to take care of yourself both physically (eat/drink) and emotionally (take time for yourself).

Wishing you the best and big hugs!

PS, for me personally, I honestly think the pain wouldn't have been so bad if my WS had died. Sounds harsh I know, and no don't wish her physical harm, never have, just saying the betrayal, for me, was much worse than death.


dday: 1/19/13
ME: mid 40's
WW: low 40'3
2 daughters, 17, 21
Reconciling

Posts: 83 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
missy1
♀ 42085
Member # 42085
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes greatnews I Agree I too feel as if I am grieving a death some good days some bad days. Right now I'm leaning on my faith in God

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: missy1
Topic Posts: 10

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