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Why do some people on o.l.d sites have to be such assholes?

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ruinedandbroken posted 1/15/2014 23:28 PM

This one guy chewed me out in email because I didn't respond to him about meeting him last weekend. (I actually did respond but must have forgot to hit send on the email.)I offered to pick anther meeting time but then backed out because I had a bad gut feeling and he was just a fucking ass. WTF???? Who the fuck do these people think they are?

Dick head


Then another gross old dude emails and says:

"Can I have your phone number because I seem to have lost mine."

Hahaha. You are soooooo fucking hilarious.

Then I've gotten a bunch of likes, winks, whatevers - from creepy old guys and guys in other distant states. Why?, why?, WHY???? If you live in Boston, you live in a very big city. Are there no women in BOSTON that you might want to talk to?? I am not interested. Read my profile about local only and GO AWAY CREEP-BAGS.

And this, my friends, is why I can't seem to find a way to trust people. It seems like finding a decent person on these stupid sites is like finding a needle in a haystack.

[This message edited by ruinedandbroken at 11:34 PM, January 15th (Wednesday)]

ruinedandbroken posted 1/15/2014 23:37 PM

This probably should have gone to the New Beginnings board. Oops.

SeanFLA posted 1/16/2014 03:28 AM

Patience young Jedi.

stronger08 posted 1/16/2014 03:34 AM

95% of OLD people are simply loser asshole. But there is always that 5% who are sincere and lonely just like you. You just need to sort them out.

SeanFLA posted 1/16/2014 04:03 AM

There are a lot of women assholes too. They just do it differently. Like when you are very polite and respectful. Mention something in their profile that you read which maybe shows something in common. Then they just ignore you and never respond. Thats 95% of the women on there. Can you being a woman explain this? You know me more or less and what I look like. I don't feel I look creepy. LOL

For men I believe it's probably more of a 1% success rate with OLD.

Thefly559 posted 1/16/2014 05:28 AM

I tried those sites for a short time . I am old school , I like to pick up a woman in a store or restaurant or work , where you get to use your charm and it is harder for them or me to just be rude and ignore or hit a button. I think those sites are a lot like Facebook. You can portray and be whoever you want. Getting into the dating game at our age is not easy especially since I was with ex since high school and I was never really in the dating game. I think like everyone says time and patience. Good luck

ruinedandbroken posted 1/16/2014 06:14 AM

Sean, women are not the only ones that do that. I have initiated many times and 99.9% of the time I get no response. It has nothing to do with you or your looks or being creepy. It could be that she's already seeing someone. Or there's something in your profile that she feels she doesn't have in common or is a deal breaker. Also, I have responded politely before that I'm not interested and have gotten verbally chewed out or pressured to change my mind; many times actually. And that is creepy.

I agree that women can be assholes too, no doubt. I've heard many stories. But it is most certainly not you Sean.

I don't get offended when they don't respond, I'm just like, "Next!" Lol

cmego posted 1/16/2014 07:01 AM

Yeah, it takes a thick skin to do OLD. It took me awhile to really figure that out. Block, ignore, they aren't worth your time.

And, if someone chews you out…yeah…you are done. Block. Ignore.

Hang in there

movingforward13 posted 1/16/2014 07:07 AM

Sean, I try to be nice to guys and reply back that I am not interested... Then I get called a bitch, stuck up and all sorts of others names. It is easier just not to reply if we aren't interested.
And men do the same thing too. That is why if I see someone that I am interested in, I wink, flirt or favorite or some other ice breaker. On match you can now "like" their photos... If they are interested I hope they respond.
I still send messages, but I don't get butt hurt when someone doesn't respond... Just means they weren't the fish for me and back in the pond I go.

I am a bit younger here but I am also starting to think that online dating isn't the best way to go. I am keeping my profile up on the free sites but to maximize my chances of eventually meeting someone, I am relocating to a metro area and I am going to start getting out the house more.... Gym, volunteer, hobbies, groups, occasional happy hour... Hell one night I want to go out and do karaoke and just have fun and break out my social shell. Whatever I can find to meet people, especially in person.
This way, I further my healing from my divorce, learn something or two about myself and more importantly LOVE myself.

SeanFLA posted 1/16/2014 11:42 AM

I threw my two cents in about women because it always seems like men are getting beat up over OLD on here either about their creepiness, rudeness, old ages, etc. I don't doubt that men don't reply also. And yes a very thick skin is needed in deed. But it's a numbers game just like anything else in life. The more fishing lines you have out there, the better chance you have of hooking the good one.

It's nice to meet someone in a store, restaurant or whatever but many people's lives are so routine with work and kids there really isn't much time or chances for that to happen in my opinion. You can get shot down or treated rudely at a store, restaurant or bar just as easily as OLD. Personally I'd rather have it done online and next them then having to take the chance of seeing them again in my local grocery store and feel really uncomfortable. Plus at least you know (in theory) online they should be promoting themselves as single. It does take a lot of the guess work out 99% of the time. You just need to stick with it and not worry about all the toads so much.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 11:43 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]

ruinedandbroken posted 1/16/2014 14:18 PM

Sean, in no way was I implying that only men are creepy. I hope it didn't come out that way. I can only speak from experience for me, but I have heard some very creepy female stories from friends so I'm sure it goes both ways.

SeanFLA posted 1/16/2014 15:55 PM

Yeah there are some crazy ass women out there in the single dating scene believe me.

damncutekitty posted 1/16/2014 19:52 PM

OLD is definitely not for the faint of heart. When I was doing it I met some nice sincere guys but I had to weed through the indecent proposals, the crazies and the trolls. On OKC I used to get at least one message a week advising me to kill myself because I was so fat and ugly. But I got at least 3 offers a week for sex, so I guess even ugly chicks can get laid, LOL.

You really have to develop a thick skin if you want to do OLD.

Snapdragon posted 1/16/2014 20:21 PM

When I was first on OLD I kept a log of contacts. As things progressed, I was amazed that the same guy would contact me multiple times with the EXACT SAME text. He had a "cut and paste" intro. This happened over and over again. I blocked men constantly. I was judged harshly for a "Thanks for your interest, but I don't think we are a match" response. I was constantly responding to overtures with proof that they had NOT read my profile AT ALL and that I was not interested in a guy 10 yrs outside my age range that lived 2,000 miles away.

But...I did meet some nice ones that fit me at the time.

It takes a thick skin and a good sense of humor. It also takes an awareness that the OLD sites set up "Marks" to keep you sucked in and that there are a lot of scammers out there waiting to take your money.

ruinedandbroken posted 1/16/2014 22:48 PM

On OKC I used to get at least one message a week advising me to kill myself because I was so fat and ugly. But I got at least 3 offers a week for sex, so I guess even ugly chicks can get laid, LOL.

OMG, that is horrible! Why do people do crap like this?

I'm beginning to think it was a mistake to join OLD. I think my skin is thick enough now. Yeah, I get annoyed when people get nasty and mean, but it doesn't ruin my day or anything. I just don't think I have the patience to weed through all the jerks or date a bunch of duds looking for the magic connection that hasn't been there.

damncutekitty posted 1/16/2014 22:54 PM

OMG, that is horrible! Why do people do crap like this?

Sometimes it's because they are chauvinist pigs who think it's a woman's duty look fuckable, by whatever their definition is.

But mostly they are internet trolls. Their goal is just to be assholes and get a rise out of people. I stopped even reporting them to dating site admins because some trolls count getting profiles banned from sites as a badge of honor. (and they just make new ones)

Amazonia posted 1/16/2014 22:56 PM

I know I'm in the minority here, but I found OLD to be a really amusing experience. Of course, I wasn't overly invested in finding someone and I had time to kill, so maybe it was just a perfect storm kind of situation.

I got a lot of good laughs out of it though, and ignored the junk.

We bump this thread once in a while:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=464871&HL=32810

I won't bump it, but if you haven't read it before, and you're dating now, it's a pretty amusing one.

ruinedandbroken posted 1/17/2014 21:13 PM

Those are amusing stories Ama.


Idk with two young kids almost full time and a demanding full time job my free time is scarce. I don't have the time, patience, or energy for the nonsense.

Guess it's just me, myself, and I. :(

capri posted 1/18/2014 16:17 PM

The comments about being judged harshly for a 'we're not a match' reply...that's exactly why I just don't reply. I can't think of any nice way of saying We're not a match, that isn't going to hurt feelings. I'm not happy with not responding, either, but it seems there's no good answer.

Last week I had a 21 year old send me a message. Nothing on his profile at all. When I didn't answer, he sent me: Why don't you write me? :(

Despite typically not engaging, I replied: Because I was speeding down the highway at 65MPH--not a good time to be sending messages via phone. Did you look at my profile? Did you notice my age?

(I'm mid 40s)

He assured me he did notice my age, but I look interesting, it could be fun...why not?

I suppose that all depends what you want out of dating, but I didn't bother replying this time, and telling him why not--because I don't think at 21 he's ready to be a step father to a whole bunch of kids, including two who are older than him!

[This message edited by capri at 4:18 PM, January 18th (Saturday)]

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