Thanks you two, and thanks brohl5 for bumping up those posts. Very informative. Hard to read stuff right now as I don't know all the lingo yet and I keep going back to see what the shortforms mean. LOL
He knows he has a lot of work to do. I told him he needs to find out why he did it and what he needs to do so he isn't that person that is swayed by a pretty face or a nice body. I said maybe the counsellor will determine you can never be faithful, and you need to let me know that so I can move on.
As for those other texts - yes, you are totally making sense. Although last year when I was going for a walk I ran into one of my kids friends' dad (divorced), outside his house. We chatted for about 10 min, then when I was ready to be on my way he told me if I ever wanted to cheat on my dh, to give him a call. WTF?? So, I know you can get offers even if you don't think you are sending out a vibe! The difference is, what's wrong with the person that thinks, oh, ok, maybe... kwim? Wasn't hard for me to say f off creep, why didn't he remember he was married???
We've had some ups and downs the past couple of years, went to counselling once and didn't really follow through with stuff. He said yesterday night that he is such an asshole and he's sorry and that he should have tried harder before when we were having issues. He's got some homework to do from the counsellor and he has another app't scheduled for end of mth. I asked him if they asked about something and he laughed and said, oh, I'm sure we won't get to that until 6 months down the road. Which makes me see that he realizes this isn't a thing he needs to do once or twice to appease me for now. I think rugsweeping was the word I saw to describe what was done previously with all our issues.
I'm still not sure about contacting the OW dh. She told me she found out about her H cheating 2 yrs ago and it still continues. I did some digging and heard that there are rumours about that. So, not sure that will make any changes. Plus, the only way I could contact him is through his work FB. House # is unlisted. But he is a co-owner of the business and she's the secretary. So she may be the one monitoring everything. Also, I don't have the proof. I forwarded the messages to my phone thinking it would show that she was the initial sender, but it didn't. Should have taken pictures. So, if she's full of bs, then she's already covered her tracks in case her h finds out. If she's telling the truth, I don't need to worry about it. Also, I feel like I've still got a card to play if I need it. She knows if she ever contacts my h again, there will be no mercy.
I've worked for a politician for 9 years. I'm fed a lot of bs and I'm very good at weeding out the bad of the lot. I've always had good intuition and am good at reading people. So, I trust my gut .. for now.
Just like I knew something was up in Dec. I just felt it. Which is why I checked the phone. My ws has always left the phone on the kitchen counter and has always let me check it if needed, after that text last year. I've never found anything, and I always count logs too, to see if there is a discrepancy in what's on the counter, compared to the messages. That's how I could tell if some were deleted. And it was always ok, until Dec, when approx. 45 texts in a 4 day period were deleted. Then none missing for about 2 weeks, then those ones I saw.
I do have a co-worker I confided in, who was married to a serial cheater. She read the texts the first day and she was the one to say calm down, this sounds like it's early, it's not gone far.
I do realize the tt can come out, and I did tell him if there was anything else it needs to come out now. I've been wanting him to get counselling for himself for a while. With his job loss, I think he may have a bit of depression. I know it bothers him our roles have changed and that he's not where he expected to be in life, especially when he compares himself to our friends. But it is what it is and he needs to accept that and move on and be happy with what he's accomplished and what he does have. In some weird way I think maybe it was good this happened to snap him into a spot to realize he needs help.
I also realize I could be totally off the wall about this and could be back here saying you were totally right and what an idiot I was. I guess what I'm saying is I'm hopeful, but not stupid, and know that some really bad stuff could come down the pipe. But I know whatever happens I will be ok on my own.
Thanks for the support.