Last MC session for a month and my wife put more boundaries around our separation. Specifically, I am not allowed to write her cards or buy her gifts for the house. For a millisecond I wanted to bitch and moan about more rules or even lay in something like ďafter all the pain Iíve caused, you wonít even accept a greeting card from me?!?!Ē
But then I listened to her. I LISTENED TO HER. I LISTENED!!! (I was incapable of listening to her the past 6 years because of the A), and guess what? Sheís in an immense amount pain. She is hurting worse than sheís ever hurt in her life and itís 100% at my hand. I did this and I need to face it.
So guess what? She canít see me, she canít talk to me, she canít receive emails from me, she can barely tolerate one MC session a month with me and NOW, no more greetings cards.
And somehow itís okay, because if I am honest with myself, I was playing games with the greetings cards. Iím not stupid, she canít receive emails from me but somehow I think a greeting card is magically different because it involves a ballpoint pen? I was trying to work a loophole as one more example as to how selfish I am and it bit me in the arse. She was hurt by it, I feel stupid doing it, and now weíre set backÖ
Iím beginning to understand just how many mistakes Waywards make on the insane roller-coaster that follows DDay. Now I donít see my wife for over a month and the hard work continues on my ownÖ