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Yakamishi (original poster member #38230) posted at 4:19 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2014
WW and I celebrated 20th anniversary yesterday. We are at 16 months. Over the weekend we went away to NH. (no kids!)Yesterday we spent the day just hanging around, running a few errands together. It's been a very good week. Lots of love, talk, understanding.
Last night we went through the computer and deleted everything A related. All the excel sheets, times, dates, emails, FB messages. Even emptied the "trash bin". I let a fire and we burned everything I had compiled about the A. All my letters and notes. My phone bills. Texts. EVERYTHING. It's all gone. No more scabs to pick. No more itches to scratch.
I feel so alleviated. Although I had not used or looked at any of the material in a couple of months,I felt a certain amount of closure ridding myself of it all. It's not to say I condone or forgive that the A happened. But I guess it signifies that I am finally past the "discovery" phase. That I'm ready to move on to focusing on the healing, instead of wasting time figuring out what I'm supposed to be healing over.
Either way, a good day. A very, very good day. Now on to the 25th.
Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life
Althea ( member #37765) posted at 4:26 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2014
Yakamishi, this makes me very happy to read! Our Ddays are close, and we both experienced several months of TT, so I am glad to hear you are also doing well. 
Taking it one day at a time.
AML04 ( member #39682) posted at 4:51 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2014
Congratulations!!! I can't wait to get to this point.
Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R
blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 4:55 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2014
Yay Yakamishi!!!!
Wonderful post!!!
17 months out here....damn near close to shooting my thumb drive with all that shit on it myself!!!!
...not yet....but almost.
Thank you for posting.
God be with you and Mrs. Yakamishi both!
[This message edited by blakesteele at 11:31 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]
ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.
bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 5:23 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2014
So glad to hear about all this healing!
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
totalheartbreak ( member #41589) posted at 5:23 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2014
We haven't yet made the decision to R as we're only ~3 months out...but I still want to post in this thread as I am currently considering destroying all evidence as a way to move beyond the 'getting all of the details' phase so I can start my personal healing.
Kudos to you and your WW. I wish you the best.
[This message edited by totalheartbreak at 11:24 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]
“You know hope is a mistake. If you can’t fix what’s broken, you’ll go insane.” - Max Rockatansky
The smart man divorces a lawyer.
The smarter man never marries one in the first place.
To her we were never worth the effort. :-/
mchercheur ( member #37735) posted at 5:28 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2014
Congrats Yakamishi, & to Mrs. Yakamishi.
I hope that WH & I are where you soon.
2 1/2 yrs out, but got off to a very very slow start-------a lot of big steps are being made now, & I can finally say that we are doing well in R.
Thank you for the inspiration---for giving me hope.
Me: BW; Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011 Married 35 years/Together 36 years/4 kids together, and 1 grandbaby; OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
SadFlower ( member #37725) posted at 5:30 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2014
Yakamishi, that is such good news. Congratulations to you and Mrs. Y!
Me: BW, age 71
Him: WH, age 70
Married 24 years
In R.
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA
Mama58 ( member #41685) posted at 5:32 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2014
Sorry to be a wet blanket, but you just destroyed evidence that could possibly used in divorce proceedings. He must be ecstatic. Way to soon to do this IMO. If he is to cheat again, you have now lost all your evidence. Would have been safer to make copies, keep somewhere else, and then destroy just one copy. Sorry.
Mama58 ( member #41685) posted at 5:35 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2014
Sorry, should have been she, not he. Cheaters lie, cheaters cheat. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ME.
Yakamishi (original poster member #38230) posted at 4:33 PM on Friday, January 17th, 2014
No, she wasn't ecstatic. She was supportive, if not very emotional with me. It was all my idea. I hadn't looked at any of it in months. Just by seeing the file or walking by the notes, it was turning into more of a trigger than a tool.
and the added bonus...it brought more trust into our relationship.
But i would agree, it is a risk. And timing is everything.
Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life
greengiant ( member #41196) posted at 5:49 PM on Friday, January 17th, 2014
I can't wait to be there one day!
ME - BS - 35 (33 on dDay)
fWW - 35 (33 on dDay)
Married 10 years, together 17
3 kids: 8, 6 and 4
D-Day: September 30th, 2013
She had a 6 weeks A with a COW
ILINIA ( member #39836) posted at 6:15 PM on Friday, January 17th, 2014
Woohoo! I broke into a huge smile when I read your post. You spoke so much "lighter" than you have in the past.
Putto ( member #38261) posted at 7:10 PM on Friday, January 17th, 2014
It's so wonderful to read positive steps in the direction of recovery. I'm sure it felt amazing to symbolically close the discovery chapter and enter into healing with your partner next to you.
Happy 20th, by the way.
I don't say much but I lurk around a lot. Thank you for baring your souls here, you've said the words I couldn't find and you've helped me heal more than I can say.
Coachdig10 ( member #41706) posted at 1:43 AM on Saturday, January 18th, 2014
Congrats. I hope to be where you are in the future.
BS- 42
WS- 36
Married 16
Kids- 3
DDay 1/17/13
33years ( member #41053) posted at 3:34 AM on Saturday, January 18th, 2014
Reports like yours are inspiring and encouraging to those of us who still have a ways to go. Thank you for sharing!
Me (BS) 59
Him (WH) 58
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing is certain anymore"
pendant ( member #32890) posted at 3:41 AM on Saturday, January 18th, 2014
Great news. Simply love your honest reality.
"Once forgiving begins, dreams can be rebuilt. When forgiving is complete, meaning has been extracted from the worst of experiences and used to create a new set of moral rules and a new interpretation of life's events."
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