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Husband cheated while Dating

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yme32313 posted 1/16/2014 10:26 AM

We dated for what I thought was 10 wonderful years until several months after we got married. He had a chest drawer which I thought was for blanks full of pictures and letters from family members to other women. One card I found was from an ex who said she couldn't wait to meet him (3 years into our relationship). He denied he ever met up with her.
Another incident occurred when we were changing computers and he saved emails from a co worker of his in which they were discussing fantasies. Then a long letter of him devastated on her getting married to another man. He asked her to give him a chance and he would "court" her. (We'd been together for year). She went on to get married but he was hurt about it, found out he went out to town to meet her and had slept with her far as I known twice. He had to go on a business trip and she said she wished she could go with him in his emails and while he was up there I told him I missed him and he snapped back at me, "Sorry I'm all the way over here!" To find out he wanted her there with him. He said he never slept with her either.
Then I encounter a book with the list of names of every girl he's slept with for the first time with date and where. I saw two names after mine a girl who waited tables in a town near us and the coworkers name. When confronted he admitted to sleeping with all these 3 woman and he said I didn't own him, we weren't married and he thought we weren't going to work out because of our age difference. He said that the ex was the last girl he's been with and he's been committed to only me. He never wanted to get married and he knew I was the one and that's why he married me. I feel stupid to think he was faithful and committed to me. I found out in July and been hurt about this ever since. Lost 50 lbs., been an emotional wreck. I've been taking counseling and he has to but our counselor said that it was my decision to be faithful to man that didn't want to get married.
I love this man with all my heart and soul and don't know how I can move forward from this. He's been the only man that I've ever been with and being betrayed like this hurts so bad. Anyone else experience something like this?

[This message edited by yme32313 at 10:32 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]

fromaztowa posted 1/16/2014 12:29 PM

I have, to a degree. You can read my profile for the story if you want.

My situation was a little different, I knew about it when we married.

But there are still times that it cuts so deeply that I am not his last "first kiss" or last first sexual experience.

He has however, been an amazing husband and I try to focus on that part.

He married you and only you. Your counselor sounds unhelpful to blame you for it.

[This message edited by fromaztowa at 12:30 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]

yme32313 posted 1/16/2014 12:35 PM

I had to get another counselor because of what she stated. I'm just hurt that he kept this all from me and I had to find it in my "new home." Why save all that crap and not have things saved from our relationship?
He said he'd never do it to me because we're married that I have his total commitment but not sure and scared if he'll do it again.

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