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Newest Member: Confused4 (61103)

User Topic: advice from you WS'
♀ 42096
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH works with his AP. She lives in a different state, but they still have to talk on the phone and email as well as attend conferences and training events with their work team away from home 2-3 times a year. At these conferences, there is always a lot of drinking and socializing after the work day is done. It is a small work team (10?) and the culture is that if you don't partake, you are ostracized.
My husband had an EA with this woman - so I'm told. I knew for months before I finally caught him red-handed and just begged him to tell me the truth. He insisted she was no more than a friend. I wanted to believe him, but kept finding small lies that told a different picture.
When I finally caught him- he was relieved. I recorded a phone call. In the phone call, I could tell he was trying to end the A and wasn't as into his AP as she was into him. She was ready to leave her husband and her home town...

My question is- do you WS honestly think that this can be reconcilled as long as he works with her? I get feeling good about things, and then he has to go on one of these work trips and everything goes to hell. I wonder what goes on there. I know he is not talking to her while he is at home under the same roof as me- but I don't know about when he is actually with her.

I have thought about asking him to leave his job, but it's the only job he has ever done in the last 12 years he really loves. I think eventually he will come to the conclusion that he should leave- he finds working with her a big pain now (or so he says...) - and I sort of want HIM to come to the decision. I think forcing him only makes things hostile. I know if someone forced me to leave MY job that I love, I would be angry. Although- I didn't have an A at work.

Also- how can he go from being so "in love" with this woman that he would risk losing his boys and his wife to saying that his feelings for her weren't actually real and that he was just so unhappy with himself? Can I actually believe that?

I have such trouble sorting all of these feelings out...A year and a half later....

"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 2:27 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You have a PM.

"If you want to know who your tribe is, speak your truth, then see who sticks around. Those are the people who get a spot in your blanket fort." -Nanea Hoffman

Posts: 55099 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 2

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