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Newest Member: Dquacook1973 (60713)

User Topic: Boundaries and consistently saying No
♀ 32753
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else struggled with saying no? Or feelings like you have to earn the right to say no? When is it OK to have boundaries with loved ones?

Why does it feel so much better and "right" to be called names and have boundaries trampled by loved ones? It is shame from my infidelity, even though the name-calling and line-crossing isn't infidelity-related? Or is it some deeper problem? A feeling that if I'm wrong about one thing, then I must be wrong about everything somehow? Or that if people won't respect my No, then why say it? But then my actions contradict - when people cross my boundaries, then I avoid them. I think of ways to gently not see them anymore. Or is it that the boundary-trampling gives me an excuse to avoid these people? That seems conflict-avoidant and passive-aggressive. Also antisocial.

Does anyone else feel more comfortable being at the bottom of the hole? Does it feel safer to anyone else? Why? Why is the idea of being a normal person with normal boundaries so frightening? Is it because it feels like I would be taking up too much space, space I haven't earned?

Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 4207 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 1

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