This sounds pretty amazing on all fronts. My BS is still in the "push it all down" stage and openly shared in MC (our last session for a month) that for her own healing right now, she needs to emotionally disengage from me. It's a survival technique and I really hope it helps her.
That being said, the MC was clear that the healthy way to deal with the rage is in MC - a safe environment for us both. So if we ever get to a stage of R, I can see how your experience will be a roadmap for what we need go through.
I would never put a silver lining on this horror I created, but it amazes me daily how we, as a couple, have this opportunity if we chose to take it, to rebuild the relationship we want. No one would ever wish this much pain on someone just to MAYBE have a better relationship, but I'm getting to the point where I understand how some couples have stronger marriages as a result of the trauma.
Never let a good crisis go to waste. Thanks for sharing. The hard work can take years I understand, but to do it together, as a team, has value in and of itself.
Keep it up!