There are huge difference s between being sorry you werre caught and being truky remorseful for ones actions. Sorrt I git caught. Is usually met with the same kind of"oh shit cover my ass" nonsens as opposed to the"i am an idiot and an ass. Please forgive me for what I have done"
Its hard to know the difference at first but you will figure it out. The sooner you can the better.
Remorse is owning ones actions and not blaming the world for your crappy choices. No anger. No blaming. He will understand that you can not trust at this point. He will get the need to check up on him
Remind him that the only thing that you know is that liars lie. The more open and honest he is the better.
((( And strength)))
This of course makes it all the harder for the BS to know whether attempting to R is a good investment of their time. It all depends on the couple, the relationship, their past history, etc. Only you can know whether it is worth trying. There will be pain either way, perhaps less to just divorce right away, perhaps not.
The most important thing, I think, is that the BS be firm and consistent with their expectations. Not so easy, I know. The sooner the WS sees that their BS will not tolerate further bad behavior (and there is a learning curve) the sooner they will find remorse. If they don't, then at least the BS will know they are wasting their time.
I'm surprised you got ANY honesty out of the OW, but then again, some of them turn on their married men when they discover he had no intention of fulfilling any of the phoney promises he'd made to them during their affair.
In either event, ugly as it may be, at least you were given the truth.
Sending you strength.
[This message edited by spond at 1:56 PM, January 17th (Friday)]