First off, thank you for all of your prayers, mojo, and good thoughts. We finally got my FWHs biopsy results back and he is cancer free. Hallelujah! Which really surprised us both because we were both bracing for bad news given that they gave us 50/50 odds. They will be checking his blood work again in 6 months because we still have no answers as to why it shot off the charts, but at least for right now, we are both very relieved.
FWH maintained very well during this stress, especially as the results which were due on a Friday, were received the following Tuesday. He kept his focus on Sufficient Unto The Day and tried very hard to not focus on negatives that would drive him down the depression spiral. When he needed to, he reached out to me, we held hands, and we talked over his fears and/or I just sat and listened while he vented. He was totally accountable, worked hard to be present in the moment, and gave himself a couple of kicks in the ass to get up and out of the house with me when his normal instinct would be to hole up. I was very, very proud of him and let him know.
A bit after we got the results, he said to me that he had been taking account of what financial position I would have been in, had it been cancer and had it been aggressive or terminal. He figured out the house value, investments, life insurance, and realized that I would be taken care of and he said that he found that of great comfort .I agreed that yes, this was the safety net that we had put in place for each other “in case,” but that while I would have been financially well-off, that I would trade all of that to him being with me. That I would have missed him horribly and would have missed the time that we have yet to come. That I wasn’t ready for him to leave me. I too, had thought about “what if,” and had imagined some scenarios without him being there. And I had realized that while they gave me comfort to know that I would not be hurting financially (which is a big FOO issue of mine), that gave me no joy without him being there.
It was a long and very tender talk about finding our ways back to each other and where we were then and what we had to look forward to. And then I jumped his bones! But I digress.
I find these days that I am making long-term plans that include both of us. Our names come out again as one long word vice two individual words. Life is very good, right now. I’m really liking this upswing of the rollercoaster. May it keep climbing.