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Saying good bye

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Angeles85 posted 1/17/2014 15:10 PM

I found out 2 weeks ago. We were together for 4 together for 17 months. We were better than ever, making plans for the future, planning a baby. Last Christmas (yes 3 weeks ago!) I introduced him to my family. I feel so frustrated, heartbroken. How I found out? we have exactly the same phone. I realized that on the phone history everything is there even if you erased it, checked his phone and texting, planning their dates, etc. I paid $10 online to find out who she was...a married lady that knows me. I just feel stupid, REALLY STUPID. I work with my H...I had to quit my job because I simply cannot see him everyday. They asked me to stay a month to train the new girl. I had to live the house because he keeps denying!! (of course) I have to start from 0! I just cannot stop crying...I really cannot believe how some people can be so disrespectful. I really don't know how people survive after D. I cannot stop thinking of our life togeher, our jokes, how happy I thought we were. I had to go live back to a relative's house where I don't even have my own space. Is it going to get any better? How does people survive after D?

norabird posted 1/17/2014 15:13 PM

Having those memories of happier times, real memories, makes it very hard to let go. But there will be other good memories in the future, ones that won't be tainted.

NeverAgain2013 posted 1/17/2014 15:18 PM

Wow, I'm so sorry that this hideous betrayal has literally stained every facet of your life.

While you may not see it as a blessing now, I honestly think someone upstairs was looking out for you before you had a baby and got all entangled to this man for life, I truly do. I think you were given the 'gift' of sight for a reason.

As hard and as painful as it may be right now, please know that one day you'll smile again, Angeles85. I promise.

MovingUpward posted 1/17/2014 15:24 PM

Deep breaths

I am glad that you found us. The heartache and pain you feel is survivable, so please remember that. It will be a process. Have you looked for a counselor at all? Your emotions seem to be running really high and I think that you might benefit greatly from talking with one. If not please read up on depression and know the signs and watch yourself for them. You don't need to get into a deep depression as that will make things tougher for you.

Focus on the basics - exercise, eating, staying hydrated, and sleeping. Your emotions will be a big drain on your body so you need to make sure you keep it as physically sound as possible.

How long ago did you quit? Was the company big in that there might be work opportunities not in the same location but still near by? If so you might want to call your manager and see if there are any options. If not please look into the counselor since you are still married you should be eligible if there is a Employee Assistance Program in place to use that to start.

If getting back with your old company isn't an option I think that you'd want to try and get a new job as I think having your own space would help you. So starting to save now to get to that state faster will be in your interest.

As for surviving this all, it is possible. Let's get some of the foundation under you shored up. If you are totally positive and this is a deal breaker and you are filing for divorce, then I would encourage you to look around for some divorce support/recovery groups. DivorceCare is one such program that I know exists in LA and around LA. There are probably others.

Uhtred posted 1/17/2014 15:31 PM

You're still alive and so are we. Things will get better the further you distance yourself from the affair. I have to say things are still raw with me being 8 months out but not nearly as severe as they were when I found out.

I know where you're coming from and the feelings that your not going to make it. Regardless of what happens you will be a stronger person after you walk through this fire. I'm still walking through it and have developed some serious scar tissue as everyone else has.

I'm sending positive thoughts your way. Get some rest, eat well, and don't drink alcohol. I've been drinking way more than I should and have recently put it down and life is so much better. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world. You're going to be ok.

Angeles85 posted 1/17/2014 15:43 PM

Thanks for your replies, this is a great forum where reading other stories makes me stronger. "Never again2013" thank you! and yes, you are right. It is EXACTLY what I have been thinking, God or an angel take care of me and made me find the truth. "moving upward" no I haven't look for a counselor, but I will and I hope it's not that expensive. It is just so hard, I feel frustrated, stupid. I am loosing everything and that makes me feel worse. No house, no job! and I feel even worse because I cannot stop thinking about him, sometimes I even feel ban when he calls me crying and saying he cannot live without me because I feel the same way...he was my family, we ate, slept, play, cried together. It is hard to let it go but one thing I know for sure, I'm not going back to him, I couldn't forgive myself.

Howie posted 1/17/2014 16:34 PM

I believe the shock is worst if you have been and are happy, the relationship works, this you know is the person you want to spend your life with, there is no problem in the marriage.So when D happens, you have no prepared defenses, no idea of "why" and are totally devastated that sex with another (when your sex say, was good or great)was worth risking the relationship and that you were worth a lie.Why?
This was my state and years later -after full disclosure, I still ache with "why?", how could you?
The loss of logistics are also hard but in the long run, housing, jobs, they come along.Not to be glib, but they do. The pain and damage are more lasting. But with time, with new love or real reconciliation, the pain lessens. The damage- you will never be quite the same person in some ways, you will always be more wary,less likely to take things at their presented value.
But you will also be stronger,wiser and having suffered,more compassionate than ever you were. And your capacity for love, when you find the person that values you at truth and loyalty will not be diminished.
The hard time is now.Hang in there,stay healthy.
There is much good advice here. Best wishes

doggiediva posted 1/17/2014 19:06 PM

I agree with MovingUpward..If you can't get placed within your old company, do you have skills as a nanny or companion to an elderly person? This may be a way to get some space to yourself / have boarding for free..Or is house sitting a possibility?
Strength sent your way..

ZedLeppelin posted 1/18/2014 21:19 PM

Sorry that you are here.

Make sure that you let the married woman's husband know of the affair.

If i was in his position i would want to know so that i could make my own decision.

No matter how shit you feel right now, you will survive this.

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