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Newest Member: SadDadOf3 (46038)

User Topic: I need advice about potentially dating
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
DOH!  Posted: 1:48 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sheesh; I'm finally interested in dating--and the guy is a co-worker. Here's the deal:

I supervise the medical lab. The guy I'm interested in is one of the drivers for the company--he picks up the specimens from the clients and brings them to the lab. We work for two very different parts of the company that interact. I do not have any supervisory authority for him.

1) The company does not forbid dating coworkers as long as there is no supervisor/employee relationship. The policy does state that the relationship cannot disrupt operations (i.e., no lovers quarrels) But dammit, I am a supervisor, and I have aspirations to advance in the company. Could I be looking for trouble?

2) I met him because I needed to do a drive along to observe how the specimens are delivered. We hit it off well. We're the same age, have similar interests, and are both single. Early on, he would come into my office to shoot the breeze, but nothing recently--was he interested and I somehow turned him off?

3) I've been toying with asking him out--way outside my comfort zone.

I need some help sorting this out. Any thoughts??


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20560 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Brandon808
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you turned him off. There are several other possible reasons. He could be dating someone already and want to avoid talking to you in your office because he doesn't want to cross boundaries. He might have started feel more attracted and be worried it could get him in trouble. He might be worried he's coming on too strong.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:04 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you need to give him some clear indicators that you're interested, if you're not willing to ask him out.

I would also recommend poking around to ensure he's still single.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13934 | Registered: Jul 2011
HobbesTheTiger
♂ 41477
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi!

I often get told that I'm too cautious, so bear that in mind when reading my post:)

I would advise against dating someone who works for the some company/with whom you are in contact daily because of work, even if you're not his superior.

From personal experience, it can get really messy really quickly, and in ways you might not expect. I could write more, if you want, but in any case I'd strongly suggest reading some articles on the internet that discuss this topic.

I'm sure that there are many great guys out there for you, where dating wouldn't involve this potential plethora of complications!

In any case, I wish you all the best both in personal life as in professional life, and that you'll someday in the near future be notifying us of your promotion(s)!


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 528 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
Catwoman
♀ 1330
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I liken dating someone at work to putting my private life on display to my work universe, and I refuse to do it because I, too, have aspirations to advance.

Even when the course of love runs smoothly, I feel there is still something icky about dating a co-worker. I also feel it sends a wrong signal to management.

I would cast my net further afield and if he asks, tell him that your personal policy is that you don't date co-workers.

The good thing is that you are interested in dating. The right opportunity will come along.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29739 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saz? Is that really you? Posting a dating thread??? I saw your name on this thread and blinked a couple of times to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

I haven't dated for 26 years, and the one time I took the initiative to ask someone out eventually landed me here, so feel free to ignore my thoughts. I personally wouldn't date anyone connected to my work, even if there wasn't a company policy against it. I've seen things go awry for coworkers ending up in awkwardness and damage to professional reputation. Not a risk I'd be willing to take. YMMV.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26516 | Registered: Aug 2011
thyme2go
♂ 12908
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having done it (and now out of it) - don't date a co-worker. Trust me. There are many other folks to date on this planet... and maybe others.


-t2g


BH - no longer 49
3 DD's - (29, 25 and 18)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9201 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't do it Sazzy. The last thing you need is trouble at your hard-won job.

But if you meet another guy outside work world that interests you, here's an instructional video on how to go about letting him know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTDSGv4J8w&feature=related


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17796 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
wildbananas
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aw, Sazzy... part of me is so excited, I want to tell you YES! ASK HIM OUT! But no... fishing off the company pier could be bad. If y'all worked in totally different areas with zero interaction, maybe? But not this.

I am so excited you're interested in dating, though! You've come a long way, baby.

ETA: Like Empress, I did a double take at the thread title and your name.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 10:50 AM, January 18th (Saturday)]


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15449 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
PhoenixRisen
35912
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

basically you should not date co-workers BUT since he is a driver it's not like he has an office down the hall and you have to attend meetings together.

So if things don't work out I don't see a big problem with both of you just getting on with your job.

AND

if things go right I also don't see a big problem with both of you getting on with your jobs :)

I think he is now avoiding you a little because he is asking himself the SAME QUESTION!

I'd flirt a bit more. If you are talking just casually touch his arm (if you are feeling bold make a comment about his bicep), and drop hints about being single. Then the ball is in his court. If he isn't comfortable dating a co-worker then he's let the ball pass. If he is, and is interested he'll lob it back.


Posts: 510 | Registered: Jun 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*sigh* I agree that it's not a good idea. I was hoping that maybe I was being too cautious.

I'm putting my monk's robe back on and returning to the cave...

And FF--that video! Who knew I was so irresistible.


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20560 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
thebighurt
♀ 34722
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SAZ, your feeling on this is probably valid, but I'm happy for you that you have that feeling!


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2588 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
TrustedHer
♂ 23328
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FF, you're a bad, bad person.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5218 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eep you deserve a squeeeeeee! Even if this particular guy doesn't pan out for work reasons, its so exciting to see you making connections again

What are your thoughts on fraternizing with coworkers outside the office? Maybe just pursue a friendship. If you have a lot in common you might meet a lot of great people through him.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3578 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm putting my monk's robe back on and returning to the cave...
No need to go THAT far!


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26516 | Registered: Aug 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's a skier; I haven't done that in 30 years. I'd love to get started again; we talked about it and he said we should go together sometime. However, it's just too expensive at this point, even with rented equipment.

Why don't hot guys go birding?


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20560 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
InnerLight
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saz? Is that really you? Posting a dating thread??? I saw your name on this thread and blinked a couple of times to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

Me too!!!

So glad to hear the juices are flowing.

I have big regrets about dating a co-worker. That was my X. I was such an idiot. I had no idea the pressure it would put on a relationship.


BS, now age 54, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years M and 20 together. In some ways I have not 'gotten over it'. But I am resilient and have created a good life where I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5959 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FF, you're a bad, bad person.

Moi?

Sazzy, cross-country, it's cheaper and you could probably find a meetup group for it.

Or snowshoeing. I've always wanted to do that but I live three hours away from snow. Sigh...

[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:34 PM, January 19th (Sunday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17796 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 18

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