SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Sad in AZ posted 1/18/2014 01:48 AM

Sheesh; I'm finally interested in dating--and the guy is a co-worker. Here's the deal:

I supervise the medical lab. The guy I'm interested in is one of the drivers for the company--he picks up the specimens from the clients and brings them to the lab. We work for two very different parts of the company that interact. I do not have any supervisory authority for him.

1) The company does not forbid dating coworkers as long as there is no supervisor/employee relationship. The policy does state that the relationship cannot disrupt operations (i.e., no lovers quarrels) But dammit, I am a supervisor, and I have aspirations to advance in the company. Could I be looking for trouble?

2) I met him because I needed to do a drive along to observe how the specimens are delivered. We hit it off well. We're the same age, have similar interests, and are both single. Early on, he would come into my office to shoot the breeze, but nothing recently--was he interested and I somehow turned him off?

3) I've been toying with asking him out--way outside my comfort zone.

I need some help sorting this out. Any thoughts??

Brandon808 posted 1/18/2014 01:59 AM

I don't think you turned him off. There are several other possible reasons. He could be dating someone already and want to avoid talking to you in your office because he doesn't want to cross boundaries. He might have started feel more attracted and be worried it could get him in trouble. He might be worried he's coming on too strong.

Amazonia posted 1/18/2014 05:04 AM

I think you need to give him some clear indicators that you're interested, if you're not willing to ask him out.

I would also recommend poking around to ensure he's still single.

HobbesTheTiger posted 1/18/2014 05:33 AM

Hi!

I often get told that I'm too cautious, so bear that in mind when reading my post:)

I would advise against dating someone who works for the some company/with whom you are in contact daily because of work, even if you're not his superior.

From personal experience, it can get really messy really quickly, and in ways you might not expect. I could write more, if you want, but in any case I'd strongly suggest reading some articles on the internet that discuss this topic.

I'm sure that there are many great guys out there for you, where dating wouldn't involve this potential plethora of complications!

In any case, I wish you all the best both in personal life as in professional life, and that you'll someday in the near future be notifying us of your promotion(s)!

Catwoman posted 1/18/2014 05:38 AM

I liken dating someone at work to putting my private life on display to my work universe, and I refuse to do it because I, too, have aspirations to advance.

Even when the course of love runs smoothly, I feel there is still something icky about dating a co-worker. I also feel it sends a wrong signal to management.

I would cast my net further afield and if he asks, tell him that your personal policy is that you don't date co-workers.

The good thing is that you are interested in dating. The right opportunity will come along.

Cat

nowiknow23 posted 1/18/2014 10:25 AM

Saz? Is that really you? Posting a dating thread??? I saw your name on this thread and blinked a couple of times to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

I haven't dated for 26 years, and the one time I took the initiative to ask someone out eventually landed me here, so feel free to ignore my thoughts. I personally wouldn't date anyone connected to my work, even if there wasn't a company policy against it. I've seen things go awry for coworkers ending up in awkwardness and damage to professional reputation. Not a risk I'd be willing to take. YMMV.

thyme2go posted 1/18/2014 10:31 AM

Having done it (and now out of it) - don't date a co-worker. Trust me. There are many other folks to date on this planet... and maybe others.

-t2g

FaithFool posted 1/18/2014 10:44 AM

I wouldn't do it Sazzy. The last thing you need is trouble at your hard-won job.

But if you meet another guy outside work world that interests you, here's an instructional video on how to go about letting him know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTDSGv4J8w&feature=related

wildbananas posted 1/18/2014 10:49 AM

Aw, Sazzy... part of me is so excited, I want to tell you YES! ASK HIM OUT! But no... fishing off the company pier could be bad. If y'all worked in totally different areas with zero interaction, maybe? But not this.

I am so excited you're interested in dating, though! You've come a long way, baby.

ETA: Like Empress, I did a double take at the thread title and your name.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 10:50 AM, January 18th (Saturday)]

PhoenixRisen posted 1/18/2014 11:14 AM

basically you should not date co-workers BUT since he is a driver it's not like he has an office down the hall and you have to attend meetings together.

So if things don't work out I don't see a big problem with both of you just getting on with your job.

AND

if things go right I also don't see a big problem with both of you getting on with your jobs :)

I think he is now avoiding you a little because he is asking himself the SAME QUESTION!

I'd flirt a bit more. If you are talking just casually touch his arm (if you are feeling bold make a comment about his bicep), and drop hints about being single. Then the ball is in his court. If he isn't comfortable dating a co-worker then he's let the ball pass. If he is, and is interested he'll lob it back.

Sad in AZ posted 1/18/2014 11:29 AM

*sigh* I agree that it's not a good idea. I was hoping that maybe I was being too cautious.

I'm putting my monk's robe back on and returning to the cave...

And FF--that video! Who knew I was so irresistible.

thebighurt posted 1/18/2014 15:26 PM

SAZ, your feeling on this is probably valid, but I'm happy for you that you have that feeling!

TrustedHer posted 1/18/2014 17:30 PM

FF, you're a bad, bad person.

Crescita posted 1/19/2014 11:55 AM

Eep you deserve a squeeeeeee! Even if this particular guy doesn't pan out for work reasons, its so exciting to see you making connections again

What are your thoughts on fraternizing with coworkers outside the office? Maybe just pursue a friendship. If you have a lot in common you might meet a lot of great people through him.

nowiknow23 posted 1/19/2014 12:07 PM

I'm putting my monk's robe back on and returning to the cave...

Sad in AZ posted 1/19/2014 14:23 PM

He's a skier; I haven't done that in 30 years. I'd love to get started again; we talked about it and he said we should go together sometime. However, it's just too expensive at this point, even with rented equipment.

Why don't hot guys go birding?

InnerLight posted 1/19/2014 16:34 PM

Saz? Is that really you? Posting a dating thread??? I saw your name on this thread and blinked a couple of times to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

Me too!!!

So glad to hear the juices are flowing.

I have big regrets about dating a co-worker. That was my X. I was such an idiot. I had no idea the pressure it would put on a relationship.

FaithFool posted 1/19/2014 22:33 PM

FF, you're a bad, bad person.

Moi?

Sazzy, cross-country, it's cheaper and you could probably find a meetup group for it.

Or snowshoeing. I've always wanted to do that but I live three hours away from snow. Sigh...

[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:34 PM, January 19th (Sunday)]