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Wayflost posted 1/18/2014 18:25 PM

Memory is a mean tricky beast, and I hate it.

I spent hours, days, weeks, trying to come up with the main timeframe for my As. They were all over the course of 2 years, 2012 and 2013. When we went for disclosure with our counselor I gave the information I had. I gave the disclaimer that I wasn't sure it was correct, but that it was what I had found.

Since then BH has continued the information collection. He has recovered all of the data he can from my phone, facebook, I assume e-mail and god knows what else. Apparently I am wrong. I don't have a freaking clue what the timeline was, what I said, or when I did what. Yesterday in MC I found myself crying and yelling that what he was telling me just isn't possible. Our counselor interjected at that point, but I still don't see how it's possible.

I feel like I'm going crazy. How can I not know? How is it possible that my memory is SO wrong? Is it there just buried? How do I remember it?

Don't get me wrong. I remember a lot. What I do remember I have shared. The truth is, I told so many lies. Everything about cheating goes against my values, and my core beliefs. I know that I lied to myself the most. And what I do remember is so awful, so terrible, so bad. I get physically ill when I think about it.

What do I do? Where do I go from here? How can I help my husband heal if I can't remember and can't tell him what happened?

Is there any hope?

changedlife posted 1/18/2014 21:22 PM

I was an ass and I lied about a few things on my timeline. At the time I justified it by saying that the vast majority of it was correct but I kept a few things off of it that really hurt. I left them off because I was afraid they would really hurt her. It ended up making the recovery even harder.

It doesn't look like you are in the same situation but,
All I can say is that be honest. Try not to be afraid of leaving off any details. Open up your bank accounts, look at the statements, read old emails to jog your memory, look at your calendar and try to think of specific dates of where you were. If you can recover any texts from anybody read them to see if you remember where you may have been at that time.

Ask him if he has any questions, and tell him you'll be honest with him about it.

Sorry if this doesn't help. I forgot a lot of stuff too and they look like lies, and when they were mixed in with everything I was lying about, it just made everything that much harder.

Try your hardest, be compassionate...

[This message edited by changedlife at 9:23 PM, January 18th (Saturday)]

Wayflost posted 1/19/2014 15:04 PM

The difficult part about all of this is that I often have a good memory. Although as we talk about various life events in our past I've realized that there are things I don't remember. It's aweful knowing that I've told the truth about what I know and to have "LIAR" hurled at me. I'm not lying, at least not intentionally. I don't want to continue the hurting but I don't know what to do.

Nothing makes a difference. When my memory is jogged and I tell BH what I've discovered he just thinks I'm telling more lies.

I'm trying so hard, but this hole I dug is so deep. I'm at the bottom looking up, desperately reaching to get out. But the ladder is just a figment of my imagination.

gettingbakontrac posted 1/19/2014 15:26 PM

This is my 1st time on the Forum & I am a WH, 2 years out from DDAY..Memory loss has been my cross to bear as my BS has constantly asked me about all kinds of details that she remembers "in the good times" of our relationship. I know I have to keep on working on the ability to recall the elements of the A because my BS shall never get any clear perspective if I don't. I can see her pain from the "not knowing" aspect of whatever
led to the A, how it continued, and, how did I totally disregard the consequences of it all. I just have to keep working at it & somehow find a way to express things clearly. I don't know if this helps at all but keep at it.

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