So, here's the thing, I get a lot of messages from men that are quite a bit older - fifties, sixties, and above. They almost all tell me in messages that "age is just a number." My sentiment is, "Yes and no." I think that it's about where you are in life (in addition to things like attraction). THere are generally markers that align with age. So if you're in your sixties with grandchildren.... that's is far more advanced than I am in my life! If you have children in college and two ex-wives... major distinction in life. I also find the "age is just a number" thing a way to kind of neg you into the date - implying that you're shallow, or not experienced enough to understand age is meaningless. I also suspect that they're not messaging women 20 years *older* than them with the same statements.
So.... what are your thoughts? Is age just number?
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
By the way, what is O.L.D.?
D Day - Feb 15, 2009
I think that it's about where you are in life
This. ^^^^ Stick to the parameters that work for you. Those guys on OLD are using "age is just a number" to get you to change your standards to fit them in. Personally, it irritates me right up front that they ignore your parameters!! Isn't that already a red flag? They can't even respect you enough to think that you know your own mind and what you want? And you can bet the bank they aren't saying that to women 20 years older than them, no way.
If you're still wanting to START a family, it would take an exceptional older man to be capable of joyfully & enthusiastically fathering them while also being a father/grandfather to his first set of children.
When I was doing OLD I used to have a lot of fun trolling dudes who clearly didn't read my profiles or didn't care what I was looking for. I'd be like, wow you are 10 years older than my dad and hate all of my interests, you must be my soulmate.
[This message edited by damncutekitty at 8:19 PM, January 18th (Saturday)]
I should mention that I don't have any problem with age differences when it comes to dating, but (you had to know a 'but' was coming) I personally do not intend to look for anyone significantly older or younger. It just seems to work against you when you want to find someone with whom you have things in common. It doesn't define all of the things you have in common. I just find that someone who is a much older or much younger is in a very different place in their lives.
Mostly, I think compatibility is about the stage of life you're in. Most people in their 20s and 30s are simply not in the same stage of life as people in their 40s, 50s, and beyond.
But when it comes to dating, I'm like you, I want someone in my same stage of life! I know guys my age who don't have a steady job or know what they want to do with their lives, mooching off mom and dad or perennially in graduate program after graduate program in unrelated fields.
Not what I'm looking for.
Then again, neither is a guy twice my age looking for a "travel companion" and offering an all expenses paid trip to Europe.
My general rule of thumb is at most 8 years younger or older.
I'm 38 but right now only o.l.d. focus 35-45, any younger and they tend to want to have children, any older and I'm not attractive to them physically. But I'd would break that rule for a really rare person who was a perfect fit or Brad Pitt.
[This message edited by PhoenixRisen at 11:33 AM, January 19th (Sunday)]
I've found men in their 40s DO want more children - I dont. I've never been into older men but at 38 I've dated a few 50s men. I met them through friends and we connected well so the age was not an issue. They usually dated close to their own age.
Now if they only dated women my age it would have creeped me out. There's a reason and it's not 'connection' or anything to so with me. It is simply my age. Yuck.
I did talk to some older guys; I would read into their profiles, and then hope they were telling the truth. If they were into golf, reading, were retired--I'd say 'next' because they would have been to sedate for me. I like to hike-challenging hikes. I work full time, like to travel and love birding--precludes a lot people
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Although in your case you are hoping for children and not to say an older man wouldn't be willing but for you I would stick with your age range.
A lot of women will attract older men because some want to know they can attract younger women and a lot of women (from what I have been told) in their age group are more looking for a instant relationship - pressure is high- getting older etc.
But after awhile it wasn't much of an issue. I find him very attractive (remember that Brad Pitt is now 50!) and we had a lot in common. And he's very active and takes great care of himself. I love that he acts like a grown man, rather than a boy like my ex who was three years younger, and has his act together. He doesn't want babies, no, but I've had my own so that's not an issue. I think it's a "stage" thing more than an "age" thing. You might find a 35 year old that doesn't want kids or a 45 year old that does. I'd say about 10 years would be my cap, but who knows. I would have said 5 before meeting my SO. Some couples have much bigger gaps and it works fine...
For what it's worth, while I never even actually went on a date, I checked out OLD for awhile, and most of the men that contacted me were older. Some a LOT older. It seemed clear most of the men my age didn't want a 40 year old with two kids. So I would think being kidless and a little younger you would have more options...
But age is NOT just a number to most people who loudly proclaim age is just a number, IMO.
In fact, I'm going to talk about older men who seek far younger women here, though I know it can be the other way around. A lot of those people will not date someone close to their own age and have no interest, but will throw out that worn out line "age is just a number" to try to convince a younger woman, or even make her feel guilty for her "prejudice."
To me, such men are creepy and one thing is for sure, age is not just a number for them, but it makes them mad that some women have age preference ranges too.
My Dad was 8 years older than my Mom, and my Mom now warns be against dating someone 8 years older, she says, "you don't want to have to take care of him when he is older!". But, if I were ever to meet a guy that turns my head and he is older, then I would give it a try.
The other "problem" I have is that I had kids late. So, a lot of the guys I'm dating that are around 45 have kids much older than mine. Most have high school/some college while mine are both in elementary school. So, although the same age…a world of difference in stage of life.
I was recently hit on by a man 30 years older than me. I politely turned him down. He made some comments that would to most people not seem rude. But what I got from his comments where he was not showing respect for my choices, which means they aren't looking at me as a person. Such as those men who continue on with you that "age is just a number".
You know what you want in your next realtionship. I don't think it's an age thing so much as finding someone that will meet your needs. Someone who will disrespect you will not. I think it's smart that you recognize the people who make these comments to you.