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Sympathy for Cal and Viv

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inshockandhurt posted 1/19/2014 00:59 AM

Ever since I found out about my husband’s affair I have had trouble enjoying movies like Titanic and Walk the Line. The love stories in both these movies are not sweet to me any longer; I view them now through the filter of my knowledge about affairs and I identify too much with characters like Cal and Viviane. For instance, the part where Cal frames Jack for theft and has him arrested does not seem like such a bad thing now; I mean honestly who hasn’t dreamt about having the AP arrested? I also find myself cringing in sympathy with Cal when Rose tells the poor guy she would, “rather be [Jack’s] whore than [his] wife”. I know that he acted a little nuts during a lot of that movie, and he was portrayed as being quite an arrogant ass, but honestly most of his behavior is understandable in context; I mean if most of us had had a gun on dday I am sure a lot of us might have found ourselves chasing the AP with it as well.
In Walk the Line, Johnny’s wife Viviane is portrayed as an unsupportive, nagging bitch… classic wayward justifications. I felt bad for Viv when I watched that movie before but because of the way they portrayed her, I am ashamed to say I was rooting for Johnny and June, now however I cannot watch the love story between those two and find it anything but sad and a trigger. It is actually very sad and kind of disturbing the way infidelity is depicted in the media. I wonder if it would occur quite so much if the devastating truth of it was shown in media?

Brandon808 posted 1/19/2014 01:07 AM

Yeah, I know what you mean. I started a thread about triggery movies. There are so freakin' many of them that romanticize the A and treat the BS as if they deserved to be betrayed.

phoenixrise posted 1/19/2014 01:51 AM

Know what you mean the BS are demonized when they are the true underdogs holding down the fort. Watching movies trigger me to the max I cant watch them anymore I even trigger with commercials. Same here I dont look at characters in movies the same way anymore... is there a movie where the cheater knows they screwed up and go back to the BS on bended knee...I couldn't even enjoy watching that because of triggers...gone with the wind...slutty Scarlett!! Melanie??? melody??? Is my hero when I used to love Scarlett...go figure and I cant even remember poor Melanie/ melody's name :)

wanttogoforward posted 1/19/2014 08:10 AM

Most romantic movies suck.... the BS is always a bitch or a nag or 'deserved' to be cheated on or left. The worst is Bridges of Madison County... and I saw that one years ago.... refuse to watch it. Who the hell keeps a scrapbook of your weekend f-fest and relives it without any guilt for many years? Who would do that? It was one freakin weekend.... but their Luuuurrvvv was so great! really!??? What about the poor H who was away with her kids??!!! Did she think about any of them before she spent her lifetime fantsizing about one lousy weekend as if it was the cat's meow! ONE weekend!

Hollywood can really suck! But then no one wants to pay big bucks to see a movie about a couple that actually works hard and makes their M work... that is boring to them!

Williesmom posted 1/19/2014 08:14 AM

I couldn't even watch Brokeback Mountain after DDay. It wasn't the gay cowboy sex, it was the infidelity.

This shit definitely changes our levels of acceptability..

WaryOptimist posted 1/19/2014 11:32 AM

My H knows I love movies, so very shortly after Dday he turned on Walk the Line .... and then when I left the room 20 minutes in, he followed me because he couldn't understand why I didn't want to watch it. Really? Really?? You want me to watch a story about a guy who's leaving his wife and children for someone he works with, just like you are contemplating doing? Really??

Yeah, to this day he's not good with my triggers.

inshockandhurt posted 1/19/2014 12:11 PM

I have never seen Bridges of Madison County, I will be sure to avoid it now. I wonder if it's true that people would hate a movie about the truth? I think part of the reason affairs are portrayed the way they are is because the drama is what people want to see and the love story, I think R can be extremely dramatic and full of love sometimes. Any writers on here should give it a crack; it would be nice to see a more truthful story told. There has to be at least one famous person on this site that could get a real story told.

4everfaithful83 posted 1/19/2014 12:12 PM

I totally understand! One of my favorite movies is "The Notebook" and after DDAY I now see it for what it really is...not a movie about true love, but a movie about a woman who has an affair and leaves her fiance.... :(

I guess it just goes with the territory. I've watched so many movies with similar story lines (something borrowed,walk the line..ext..) and never connected to that part because it hadn't happened to me yet. But you can't understand something until you've been through it...

I hope someday I can watch movies again without the triggers

inshockandhurt posted 1/19/2014 12:21 PM

My husband and I were talking about affairs in the media the other day and one thing I asked him is, does he think he would have had the affair if popular movies hadn't portrayed it as no big deal? In the movies the total devastation of the BS is minimized or even vilified and I wonder if that attitude helps to increase the amount of affairs; if people were shown how damaging it can be and what an awful thing it really is would it happen quite as much? I hope not, though I know in some cases it would.

inshockandhurt posted 1/19/2014 12:23 PM

Wow! Only a few posts and already there are a bunch of movies with this theme that I didn't even think about. It really as depicted as a romantic ideal isn't it? How sad.

Ostrich80 posted 1/19/2014 12:26 PM

Johnnys wife was portrayed as naggy and demanding. I felt sorry for her. She was hurt and then anger set in. Another one that should be on the list...A Walk on the Moon. Diane Lane and Viggio,

confused615 posted 1/19/2014 12:29 PM

I can't watch Brokeback Mountain. It IS because of the gay cowboy sex,though.

In nearly every movie or TV show where there is adultery, the BS is a bagging,raving bitch. And the poor WS, he just can't help himself..and who can blame him?

nowiknow23 posted 1/19/2014 12:39 PM

In nearly every movie or TV show where there is adultery, the BS is a bagging,raving bitch. And the poor WS, he just can't help himself..and who can blame him?
And when the roles are reversed, the BH is either an abusive controlling nightmare, or a selfish neglectful absentee, and the WW is "rescued" by an OM who "really sees her" or some such bullshit. Equally offensive and barf-inducing.

jemimapd posted 1/19/2014 12:43 PM

I went to the movies last night. There were two trailers:

1. The Invisible Woman.
Movie about Charles Dickens and his young mistress. How awful for these soulmates to be kept apart by society's silly conventions! The wife is a not only a nag but also fat, so no sympathy for her it seems. I won't be seeing that one.

2. Gloria.
A middle-aged woman starts a new life which includes paint-balling her no-good, lying ex. Much better!

SisterMilkshake posted 1/19/2014 12:44 PM

the BS is a bagging,raving bitch.
I posted a thread not too long ago titled "Fuck You Bugs Bunny and Fleet Farm" because even in a Bugs Bunny cartoon that was how the BS was portrayed. Okay, it was a Tasmanian Devil, but still. And, Bugs was the AP.

tryingagain74 posted 1/19/2014 12:48 PM

I understand what you mean.

Scandal: Melly (President's wife) is portrayed as a conniving, power-hungry bitch, while the cheating President and his mistress, Olivia Pope, are portrayed as star-crossed lovers whom we are supposed to sympathize with and cheer for. Boo.

A recent trigger for me was actually The Lake House, which I used to love. Even though neither of the characters are married (in fact, Alex, Keanu Reeves's character, is completely single), Sandra Bullock's character, Kate, is dating Morgan, a guy who is portrayed as a sort of heavy-handed ass who dictates their relationship. Kate kisses Alex once while dating Morgan, and they later break up. Then, Kate starts dating Morgan again, but she eventually leaves him for Alex.

I hadn't watched the movie for a few years, but my take on it when watching it recently was completely different. All I could think was, "Why don't you just be honest with yourself and break up with the guy before you start something else?" Kate is portrayed as clearly unhappy with Morgan, and I feel like she uses Morgan as a way to get over Alex when they get back together. Not cool.

stillprettyupset posted 1/19/2014 12:51 PM

I would make the pro-marriage movie, but it would only gross $12 because nobody wants to see a couple bickering over whether to throw out the week old tuna casserole. They want the dangerously risky romance of sneaking off to Niagara Falls for candlelight dinners and freaky monkey sex.

I suggested it, and was told we had no money. The gas bill was due and groceries were more than expected. UnFunny how the practicality overrides the romance with me, but not with him.

This is improving dramatically, in all fairness. Just a bitch from past experience.

Alyssamd24 posted 1/19/2014 12:57 PM

WW here. I agree that there are many movies that make affairs seem ok, and think it's very sad.

But there are also some movies that don't glamorize affairs....the only ones I can think of are Unfaithful and Derailed. Both movies show how lives can be destroyed by affairs.

I wish I could think of more...

jemimapd posted 1/19/2014 13:11 PM

I would make the pro-marriage movie, but it would only gross $12 because nobody wants to see a couple bickering over whether to throw out the week old tuna casserole.

Don't forget the action scene when one of them nearly slips shoveling snow from the driveway.

steadfast1973 posted 1/19/2014 13:16 PM

It's in kids shows, too. Zach and Cody had an episode where Zach had to hide his new girlfriend from the girlfriend he already had... And it all turned out ok... No one was mad, and the old girlfriend just left as a friend. The iCarly had an epi where the kids were trying to get in the book of records, and Spencer was hitting on the representative for the book... She told him she had a boyfriend, and he said,"I don't know your boyfriend." those shows were banned in our house. I literally switched from Disney because it Z&C pissed me off, and the next show triggered me, too! Plus... I don't want my kids learning that bullshit behavior...

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 2:00 PM, January 19th (Sunday)]

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