Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Sympathy for Cal and Viv
inshockandhurt
♀ 38789
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 12:59 AM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ever since I found out about my husband’s affair I have had trouble enjoying movies like Titanic and Walk the Line. The love stories in both these movies are not sweet to me any longer; I view them now through the filter of my knowledge about affairs and I identify too much with characters like Cal and Viviane. For instance, the part where Cal frames Jack for theft and has him arrested does not seem like such a bad thing now; I mean honestly who hasn’t dreamt about having the AP arrested? I also find myself cringing in sympathy with Cal when Rose tells the poor guy she would, “rather be [Jack’s] whore than [his] wife”. I know that he acted a little nuts during a lot of that movie, and he was portrayed as being quite an arrogant ass, but honestly most of his behavior is understandable in context; I mean if most of us had had a gun on dday I am sure a lot of us might have found ourselves chasing the AP with it as well.
In Walk the Line, Johnny’s wife Viviane is portrayed as an unsupportive, nagging bitch… classic wayward justifications. I felt bad for Viv when I watched that movie before but because of the way they portrayed her, I am ashamed to say I was rooting for Johnny and June, now however I cannot watch the love story between those two and find it anything but sad and a trigger. It is actually very sad and kind of disturbing the way infidelity is depicted in the media. I wonder if it would occur quite so much if the devastating truth of it was shown in media?


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 280 | Registered: Mar 2013
Brandon808
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I know what you mean. I started a thread about triggery movies. There are so freakin' many of them that romanticize the A and treat the BS as if they deserved to be betrayed.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
phoenixrise
♀ 41745
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Know what you mean the BS are demonized when they are the true underdogs holding down the fort. Watching movies trigger me to the max I cant watch them anymore I even trigger with commercials. Same here I dont look at characters in movies the same way anymore... is there a movie where the cheater knows they screwed up and go back to the BS on bended knee...I couldn't even enjoy watching that because of triggers...gone with the wind...slutty Scarlett!! Melanie??? melody??? Is my hero when I used to love Scarlett...go figure and I cant even remember poor Melanie/ melody's name :)


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
wanttogoforward
♀ 29912
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most romantic movies suck.... the BS is always a bitch or a nag or 'deserved' to be cheated on or left. The worst is Bridges of Madison County... and I saw that one years ago.... refuse to watch it. Who the hell keeps a scrapbook of your weekend f-fest and relives it without any guilt for many years? Who would do that? It was one freakin weekend.... but their Luuuurrvvv was so great! really!??? What about the poor H who was away with her kids??!!! Did she think about any of them before she spent her lifetime fantsizing about one lousy weekend as if it was the cat's meow! ONE weekend!

Hollywood can really suck! But then no one wants to pay big bucks to see a movie about a couple that actually works hard and makes their M work... that is boring to them!


Posts: 1190 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I couldn't even watch Brokeback Mountain after DDay. It wasn't the gay cowboy sex, it was the infidelity.

This shit definitely changes our levels of acceptability..


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7865 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
WaryOptimist
♀ 19911
Member # 19911
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H knows I love movies, so very shortly after Dday he turned on Walk the Line .... and then when I left the room 20 minutes in, he followed me because he couldn't understand why I didn't want to watch it. Really? Really?? You want me to watch a story about a guy who's leaving his wife and children for someone he works with, just like you are contemplating doing? Really??

Yeah, to this day he's not good with my triggers.


Me: The faithful one
Him: WS
4 great kids
Married 28 years, together 36
D-Day: April 1, 2006 (yep, April Fool's Day...)
Aaaaaas Yoooouuu Wiiiiiish...

Posts: 652 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Here & There
inshockandhurt
♀ 38789
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never seen Bridges of Madison County, I will be sure to avoid it now. I wonder if it's true that people would hate a movie about the truth? I think part of the reason affairs are portrayed the way they are is because the drama is what people want to see and the love story, I think R can be extremely dramatic and full of love sometimes. Any writers on here should give it a crack; it would be nice to see a more truthful story told. There has to be at least one famous person on this site that could get a real story told.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 280 | Registered: Mar 2013
4everfaithful83
♀ 41761
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally understand! One of my favorite movies is "The Notebook" and after DDAY I now see it for what it really is...not a movie about true love, but a movie about a woman who has an affair and leaves her fiance.... :(

I guess it just goes with the territory. I've watched so many movies with similar story lines (something borrowed,walk the line..ext..) and never connected to that part because it hadn't happened to me yet. But you can't understand something until you've been through it...

I hope someday I can watch movies again without the triggers


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
inshockandhurt
♀ 38789
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband and I were talking about affairs in the media the other day and one thing I asked him is, does he think he would have had the affair if popular movies hadn't portrayed it as no big deal? In the movies the total devastation of the BS is minimized or even vilified and I wonder if that attitude helps to increase the amount of affairs; if people were shown how damaging it can be and what an awful thing it really is would it happen quite as much? I hope not, though I know in some cases it would.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 280 | Registered: Mar 2013
inshockandhurt
♀ 38789
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! Only a few posts and already there are a bunch of movies with this theme that I didn't even think about. It really as depicted as a romantic ideal isn't it? How sad.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 280 | Registered: Mar 2013
Ostrich80
34827
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Johnnys wife was portrayed as naggy and demanding. I felt sorry for her. She was hurt and then anger set in. Another one that should be on the list...A Walk on the Moon. Diane Lane and Viggio,


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5276 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't watch Brokeback Mountain. It IS because of the gay cowboy sex,though.


In nearly every movie or TV show where there is adultery, the BS is a bagging,raving bitch. And the poor WS, he just can't help himself..and who can blame him?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8084 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In nearly every movie or TV show where there is adultery, the BS is a bagging,raving bitch. And the poor WS, he just can't help himself..and who can blame him?
And when the roles are reversed, the BH is either an abusive controlling nightmare, or a selfish neglectful absentee, and the WW is "rescued" by an OM who "really sees her" or some such bullshit. Equally offensive and barf-inducing.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26489 | Registered: Aug 2011
jemimapd
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to the movies last night. There were two trailers:

1. The Invisible Woman.
Movie about Charles Dickens and his young mistress. How awful for these soulmates to be kept apart by society's silly conventions! The wife is a not only a nag but also fat, so no sympathy for her it seems. I won't be seeing that one.

2. Gloria.
A middle-aged woman starts a new life which includes paint-balling her no-good, lying ex. Much better!


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the BS is a bagging,raving bitch.
I posted a thread not too long ago titled "Fuck You Bugs Bunny and Fleet Farm" because even in a Bugs Bunny cartoon that was how the BS was portrayed. Okay, it was a Tasmanian Devil, but still. And, Bugs was the AP.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand what you mean.

Scandal: Melly (President's wife) is portrayed as a conniving, power-hungry bitch, while the cheating President and his mistress, Olivia Pope, are portrayed as star-crossed lovers whom we are supposed to sympathize with and cheer for. Boo.

A recent trigger for me was actually The Lake House, which I used to love. Even though neither of the characters are married (in fact, Alex, Keanu Reeves's character, is completely single), Sandra Bullock's character, Kate, is dating Morgan, a guy who is portrayed as a sort of heavy-handed ass who dictates their relationship. Kate kisses Alex once while dating Morgan, and they later break up. Then, Kate starts dating Morgan again, but she eventually leaves him for Alex.

I hadn't watched the movie for a few years, but my take on it when watching it recently was completely different. All I could think was, "Why don't you just be honest with yourself and break up with the guy before you start something else?" Kate is portrayed as clearly unhappy with Morgan, and I feel like she uses Morgan as a way to get over Alex when they get back together. Not cool.


FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3659 | Registered: Oct 2011
stillprettyupset
♂ 41286
Member # 41286
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would make the pro-marriage movie, but it would only gross $12 because nobody wants to see a couple bickering over whether to throw out the week old tuna casserole. They want the dangerously risky romance of sneaking off to Niagara Falls for candlelight dinners and freaky monkey sex.

I suggested it, and was told we had no money. The gas bill was due and groceries were more than expected. UnFunny how the practicality overrides the romance with me, but not with him.

This is improving dramatically, in all fairness. Just a bitch from past experience.


Me: 42
WW: 36
Latest D-day: Sept 2013
Reconciling? Limbo?

Posts: 96 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NE Ohio
Alyssamd24
♀ 39005
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW here. I agree that there are many movies that make affairs seem ok, and think it's very sad.

But there are also some movies that don't glamorize affairs....the only ones I can think of are Unfaithful and Derailed. Both movies show how lives can be destroyed by affairs.

I wish I could think of more...


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 942 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
jemimapd
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would make the pro-marriage movie, but it would only gross $12 because nobody wants to see a couple bickering over whether to throw out the week old tuna casserole.

Don't forget the action scene when one of them nearly slips shoveling snow from the driveway.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Angry  Posted: 1:16 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's in kids shows, too. Zach and Cody had an episode where Zach had to hide his new girlfriend from the girlfriend he already had... And it all turned out ok... No one was mad, and the old girlfriend just left as a friend. The iCarly had an epi where the kids were trying to get in the book of records, and Spencer was hitting on the representative for the book... She told him she had a boyfriend, and he said,"I don't know your boyfriend." those shows were banned in our house. I literally switched from Disney because it Z&C pissed me off, and the next show triggered me, too! Plus... I don't want my kids learning that bullshit behavior...

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 2:00 PM, January 19th (Sunday)]


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 41
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.