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What do you do about the loneliness?

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NWfleur posted 1/19/2014 21:28 PM

I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the feelings of loneliness, because it's inevitable that I'm alone a lot these days and at times it makes me feel really unhappy.

My EXWH moved across the country, so I'm single momin' it...running to my kids' school, sports, etc. etc. like many of us here. Tired like many of us. I do have a wonderful SO and things are going great. But he has joint custody, week on/week off, so his "on" weeks I don't see him much. I've met his kids, he hangs out with mine quite a bit on his off weeks, but our kids haven't yet met. We've taken that part slow. I definitely see us together, and when the kids starts to coexist more things will get easier, but it's a slooooww process and not the "rush in and spend all time together" that things are before kids.

With my ex, he traveled about half the time, so ironically I spent the last 5 years of the marriage alone a LOT. I always felt like I was waiting for him to come home. Or leave. And now I feel like I'm waiting to see my SO. I love my boys dearly, but at the end of the day it's hard not to have the company of another adult. My family doesn't live close (moved here a few years ago) and all my friends are busy with their families.

I do somewhat enjoy my kids-are-in-bed time that is mine all mine, but the hours leading up to that are hard. And even after.
I have things to keep me busy...going to the gym, LOTS of reading, friends during the day, watching movies, journaling, etc. Not to mention cleaning, keeping my kids entertained, etc. And I'm a teacher so there's always something to catch up on. But I just feel lonely for adult company, bored, like I'm...waiting. Anyone else experience this? I end up eating, watching TV...and while I don't have a weight problem, I might start to at this rate as food is suddenly filling some kind of void...



[This message edited by NWfleur at 9:34 PM, January 19th (Sunday)]

thebighurt posted 1/20/2014 00:03 AM

(((NWfleur)))

My kids are long gone and I don't have a SO or a job, so I can't really relate to exactly what you are saying. But, I'm retired, live alone, kids gone, so there are times I don't see a person or hear another live voice for a day or two. Often my choice.

I felt like you about that for quite a while after xpos left. I would go places and then dread going home to my silent existence. It was very lonely. Gradually, I began to look forward to that time. Time to think, read, TV watch, catch up on something, call a friend.

It sounds like you are busy with your job, boys and SO when you get together. I'm sorry you feel you need more. Hopefully, you will either adjust as I have or you will fill that void.

ladies_first posted 1/20/2014 11:43 AM

I bumped a thread titled "How to get past the loneliness" for you

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=503643

NWfleur posted 1/20/2014 17:18 PM

Thanks b.h and ladies first. That list had some good ideas on it. I'm going to print the ABC list someone posted.

ruinedandbroken posted 1/20/2014 17:47 PM

I'm really, really lonely a lot of the time. I have no SO. It's just me and the kids. Not only do I crave adult companionship when they are with me but when they are with their dad I crave *any* companionship. I've got great friends but they are all busy with their families, understandably. My family does not live here either.

I was a mom/wife and totally enmeshed in my little nuclear family that I had. And now, I don't know who I am. I don't know what to do with myself when my kids are gone. And I feel totally empty and alone. Sometimes it is overwhelming. :(

Helen of Troy posted 1/21/2014 07:15 AM

Invest in a good B.O.B.

cmego posted 1/21/2014 07:35 AM

ruinedandbroken

I was a mom/wife and totally enmeshed in my little nuclear family that I had. And now, I don't know who I am. I don't know what to do with myself when my kids are gone. And I feel totally empty and alone. Sometimes it is overwhelming. :(

^^^^ was one of the things I really wanted to correct in my NB. I was also defined 90% by being a wife and a mother and creating that "white picket life".

I did what was suggested on SI. I started volunteering. I went to MeetUp groups, I went back to school, I made new friends. I didn't really date and don't want to be defined by another relationship. Men are now in my periphery and not my focus.

School really helped fill the void for me. I may over schedule myself a little, but I'd rather be busy than bored.

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