I am new to the site. I am so glad I found it because I have been going crazy not being able to talk about this.okay well my husband and I have been together 4 years but recently got married Nov. 3. And two months later I found out he cheated. No sex but was practically dating this women. He has know he since high school and she recently came into work and they exchanged numbers. He said they started talking 2 weeks before we got married. They only met up once right after Christmas, when he told me he was going to a "work Christmas party." They went to the movies, he said they held hands and kissed. No sex so I guess that's good. But it hurts me so much that he was emotional giving himself to this women. They are both married and know.
It's been about two weeks since I found out. I feel okay one minute and thing a mess the next. I am still unsure there is a future with us. It seems the only time I am happy is when I am avoiding the situation. Which isn't healthy.
He's been trying to "change" . He will let me see his phone since it happened but that's about it. He has already gone out with friends and left me home, since the incident. That really didn't sit well will me and my insecurities. He is open to talking to me about what happened, but he gets frustrated and made very easily. So it worries me how long he is going to be willing to do this.
Ever since I found out I feel like one wrong move will be the end of our relationship. I feel like I always have to be dressed up so he doesn't compare me to her. I feel like I am afraid to talk about the situation for fear of fighting. I am afraid not son won't have his father. Realistic or not, these are my worries. I just don't know if it's worth staying. He wants to try he says but shows only minimal effort.
BTW... if you click the yellow smiley face on upper right you can read that person's story. The icon just to the right of that lets you edit your post.
[This message edited by iamsoblind42 at 9:50 AM, January 20th (Monday)]
BS: me 44 (then 42) WH: 50 (then 48) 2 kids Married 18 years D-day - 1/11/14 Filed - 1/16/14 Divorced 4/21/14 Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched
To answer the thread question, no, because the old life, really, the old M is over. You can have a new M, if he steps up to the plate and owns his shit. (Getting frustrated and mad at you does not bode well)
I doubt you have the whole story - that's extremely rare. hugs (((EB))) We're here for you.
If I were you I would go into investigation mode to find out if it is still ongoing. Also you should steel yourself for finding out more -- there's a good chance you don't have the whole truth yet.
So sorry for what you are going through. Take care of yourself - drink water, try to eat, read and post here...
Hugs to you.
Ever since I found out I feel like one wrong move will be the end of our relationship.
I know this feeling. It's a feeling of like you are walking on eggshells. But really. How long do you have vested into this marriage...two months? Easy now but you need a little jolt here. I can tell you there's a ton more you don't know about. Maybe not with this woman but probably another at some point. Do you really want to subject yourself to this torture your whole marriage and the rest of your life because you're afraid of losing him? That's the part that isn't healthy and the part you need to quickly work on about yourself.
No sex so I guess that's good.
Really? I think you need to read this again. He went to the movies with his new girlfriend and kissed her! Now you're downplaying it. This is what we call rug sweeping on here...but on your part the fact he told you there was no sex isn't all THAT bad. Two months into marriage and he can't be faithful?...yeah EB it's THAT bad. I would go down and get it annulled if possible and start making plan B. You're sitting around hoping he will change and suddenly all will be great. He's been having affairs, or trying to have them, since you were dating. I guaranty it as he doesn't respect you nor your marriage vows and it's only been like 75 days. You can do better than this guy. You are settling for him.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
Dyinghere - I found the messages on his phone. The message that broke my heart was a message from the other woman saying "it hurts my heart to know you're Married. " They obviously had an emotional relationship. :/
SeanFLA - thank you! I feel the same concerns that you mentioned. I guess I am just scared to actually leave. Where would I go? Our car is in his name too... and you're completely right about me sweeping the "no sex" under the rug. And for all I know he could have been lying about that too... I know we've only been married a few months but we've had a long relationship. We were engaged for two years(red flag I didn't see),we rushed the marriage because I found out I had cancer and no insurance.
Contact an attorney who will advise you on the car situation (and healthcare costs). Despite being married a short time things will still be divided up and he will lose things. So think of it this way...joke's on him! And you cannot divide a car so you may find in mediation it will go to you after all.
Look I was married for 18 years and together for 21 years. You don't need to lecture me on long-term relationships. Cut your losses, get your health back and build your own new life. It sounds like you are young. There are plenty of other men out there believe me!
They had sex. Is there more than one? I don't know, what is your gut telling you.
I'm soo sorry you are here.
{{{hugs}}}
k9
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11
This will help you with you. I would urge you to read the rest of the BS FAQ's as well. They are full of information.
A word of caution, cheaters lie... they lie to protect themselves, the other party and their fantasy world they are living in. So be prepared for more.
Only you can choose to carry on your marriage or not. If he is remorseful and you want to continue. It is possible, though it will take lots of work on both sides. He will also have to learn to be completely transparent and honest.
I think a letter, email or text messages might be a great way for you to communicate how you are feeling. I personally speak my mind much better via text then face-2-face.
If you feel there is more... go into investigative mode and research like crazy. Cell phone call and text history, credit card statements, etc.
Additionally, you can be legally separated (in most states and with most companies) and stay on the insurance. There are many exceptions, but I'd check on this.
Just to add to the other good advice you are getting: talk to your oncologist (or to one of the nurses, if you feel more comfortable talking with them) about STD testing. Get checked for everything. No unprotected sex with your WH. Very important -- if your immune system is down from chemo or radiation, or from the cancer itself, it is even more important to catch and treat any stds.
Please let us know how you are doing. Big big hugs to you and to your baby.
