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Newest Member: aheartbrokenwife (61814)

User Topic: The Miracle of Time
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Content  Posted: 2:20 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not a patient human, not even remotely. It took me quite a while to resign myself to the notion that the passage of time would help heal. I wanted a fast track to being through all this. I found SI 6 months past dday in a desperate search to find out why I was STILL so consumed. I mean, it had been SIX MONTHS already. I was not exactly excited about the idea of 2 years being the suggested minimum healing time. I mean, we were doing everything right - talking, sharing, reading, really caring for each other. Why did I have to wait, and when would the waiting end. I am 18 months out now, and I am still not fully healed. In fact, I cried Thursday night. But, as I sat with myself during a moment of quiet (known simply as nap time for my kids), I realized I haven't marked the monthly anniversary of dday for a couple of months. My H and I have a family weekend away planned next month through the 19 month marker, and I didn't even think about that at all when we were planning. I can get angry or upset without it always going back to his A's. He can express his dislike of something without me freaking out that he is going to go get another gf on the side. Some of those things that were major triggers even 3 or 4 months ago, just aren't anymore. And, most days, I'm completely ambivalent about all his OW (I still get worked up occasionally when someone mentions them, but that's life in a small town). When I joined SI a year ago, I wanted to be in this place so badly. Now that I'm here, I'm glad it wasn't instantenous. The things we have both learned about ourselves and each other could have only come from taking the time and doing the work we have. I can't help but smile when I think of where we're going next.

Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

from one impatient person to another:

Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."

Posts: 14938 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


But in the meantime... I'm glad you are. And it IS a process, I can see that. Doesn't mean I like it though.

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Alex CR
♀ 27968
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a wonderful post......congratulations......

BS Me 63
WS Him 64
Married 35
Together 41
DD 11/16/09
I can dwell in the negative or seek the road is lonely...the other teeming with life.

Posts: 1861 | Registered: Mar 2010
♀ 41875
Member # 41875
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your post!!! This gives us newbies some hope

Married 13 yrs, Together 19 yrs
4 kids under 8
2 yr LTA
DDay- Oct.29, 2013

Posts: 90 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 40462
Member # 40462
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


me, BW: 37
FWH: 38
together 19 years, M 13 years
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 6 and 9

Posts: 530 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nova Scotia, Canada
♀ 32214
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is so true that time is the great healer. I just passed my three year antiversary and things are so much better. Not perfect, but SO much better. It was just so hard to hear in the beginning, that wretched two to five year timeline for healing. You are in so much pain that you don't think you can get through one more day, let alone YEARS.

The ride was horrible at times, really horrible, but those truly horrible times are in the past and now things are mostly good and in some respects, better than prior to the affair.

So if you can just do the time, things do get better!!

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1373 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
♀ 41053
Member # 41053
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your post. I'm a little over 6 months out and we have such a long ways to go. I try to stay in the reconciliation forum and love when people post positive encouragement. It gives me a thread of hope.

Me (BS) 59
Him (WH) 58
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing is certain anymore"

Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Middle of USA
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for posting this. Sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking about how long this will take but when I see posts like this, it helps.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 876 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Topic Posts: 9

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