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The Miracle of Time

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musiclovingmom posted 1/20/2014 14:20 PM

I am not a patient human, not even remotely. It took me quite a while to resign myself to the notion that the passage of time would help heal. I wanted a fast track to being through all this. I found SI 6 months past dday in a desperate search to find out why I was STILL so consumed. I mean, it had been SIX MONTHS already. I was not exactly excited about the idea of 2 years being the suggested minimum healing time. I mean, we were doing everything right - talking, sharing, reading, really caring for each other. Why did I have to wait, and when would the waiting end. I am 18 months out now, and I am still not fully healed. In fact, I cried Thursday night. But, as I sat with myself during a moment of quiet (known simply as nap time for my kids), I realized I haven't marked the monthly anniversary of dday for a couple of months. My H and I have a family weekend away planned next month through the 19 month marker, and I didn't even think about that at all when we were planning. I can get angry or upset without it always going back to his A's. He can express his dislike of something without me freaking out that he is going to go get another gf on the side. Some of those things that were major triggers even 3 or 4 months ago, just aren't anymore. And, most days, I'm completely ambivalent about all his OW (I still get worked up occasionally when someone mentions them, but that's life in a small town). When I joined SI a year ago, I wanted to be in this place so badly. Now that I'm here, I'm glad it wasn't instantenous. The things we have both learned about ourselves and each other could have only come from taking the time and doing the work we have. I can't help but smile when I think of where we're going next.

unfound posted 1/20/2014 14:27 PM

from one impatient person to another:

Morhurt posted 1/20/2014 16:45 PM


But in the meantime... I'm glad you are. And it IS a process, I can see that. Doesn't mean I like it though.

Alex CR posted 1/20/2014 16:55 PM

This is a wonderful post......congratulations......

flayed posted 1/20/2014 17:02 PM

Thank you for your post!!! This gives us newbies some hope

eachdayisvictory posted 1/20/2014 17:21 PM


kansas1968 posted 1/20/2014 17:29 PM

It is so true that time is the great healer. I just passed my three year antiversary and things are so much better. Not perfect, but SO much better. It was just so hard to hear in the beginning, that wretched two to five year timeline for healing. You are in so much pain that you don't think you can get through one more day, let alone YEARS.

The ride was horrible at times, really horrible, but those truly horrible times are in the past and now things are mostly good and in some respects, better than prior to the affair.

So if you can just do the time, things do get better!!

33years posted 1/20/2014 19:12 PM

Thank you for your post. I'm a little over 6 months out and we have such a long ways to go. I try to stay in the reconciliation forum and love when people post positive encouragement. It gives me a thread of hope.

AML04 posted 1/21/2014 07:17 AM

Thank you for posting this. Sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking about how long this will take but when I see posts like this, it helps.

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