No reason for me to not hate her.
There are a lot of people who are better than me though, so kudos to you if you can not feel hate and anger if you see her face.
Typically, I don't even think about her. But when I do, I hate her.
[This message edited by fromaztowa at 5:00 PM, January 20th (Monday)]
What I came up with is acceptance. I can accept that I hate right now, but understand that it may change one day. Any energy I spend thinking about her is truly wasted, and I am so tired of giving her energy after all she and fWH took from me.
It is normal. Maybe just accept yourself and the feelings you are having now? I've only been trying it for a week, and I've had some relief already.
Do you hate Hitler? Do you feel bad about that?
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 5:30 PM, January 20th (Monday)]
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
[This message edited by sickofthelies at 10:36 PM, October 7th (Tuesday)]
Update: attempting to reconcile
I wish all kinds of evil on her. I hope she gets a flat tire everytime it rains. I hope her BH decides he doesn't want to forgive her. I hope when she tries to dye her hair it all falls out. I hope her new dog bites her. I hope she loses her spot teaching Sunday School because they find out that she is a cheating slut. I hope she always gets in the longest line at Wal-Mart. I hope her private info was stolen when she shopped at Target for Christmas. I hope everytime she looks at a piece of chocolate she gains five pounds. Etc and etc.
And this is not who I am. But it is who I am now.
Maybe later it will change
and yes, I know it was WH that I should be mad at, and I am, but she is such an easier target. He went along, even though she initiated.
I don't hate her though. I can't stand what she did, but hating her will only eat me away inside. That whole thing about drinking poison and hoping the other person dies and all that....
I try not to spend too much time and energy on her except to pray for her...as a woman, being thankful that she is out of an abusive relationship, and as a mom, for her to have strength as she cares for her child....sometimes it's like eating nails to get the words out, but I do it....pray for my enemies is what God commands...so I do.
It's harder some days than others.
"Hate" isn't really the right word for it. Disgust is probably closer. She knew XWH was married, she even knew me personally. She had been to our home on several occasions. She wasn't exactly a friend, but she was more than an acquaintance. How she could know me, and still do what she did, is disgusting to me.
I also feel sorry for her. I didn't know he was a lying, cheating sack of shit incapable of anything resembling honor, character, and commitment. She DID know all that, and she chose him anyway. I can't imagine being so fucked in the head that you think someone like that, like XWH is the best you can do. But for her, he probably IS the best she can do.
Now. Ask me if I hate XWH.
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
I think that's a great goal for a WS.
I think it might be asking much of the BS.
I actually don't think of OW very often. But when I do, I don't wish her well.
I won't ever be neutral on her. It's not even a goal of mine.
But I really don't think of her often.