SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Tundra60 posted 1/20/2014 22:26 PM

My girlfriend just told me that while she's been doing rotations in the north she has been having an affair with a coworker. We all work for the same company! And to top it off, he was engaged. It gets better. Apparently this guy told her he'd called off his January 10 wedding in jamaica, but went down and did the ceremony anyway for all the families sake but nothing was signed so not legal. Although there are pictures of him signing, and walking down the beach with his wife, my girlfriend, now ex, believed this crap. It just all seems so insane, I just can't believe she would do this and betray me. I'm heartbroken, but I'm also feeling so low, as now the company will be gossiping about it. I was told the 12 of January. I kicked her out, and she then left for work the 14, spending overnights immediately with this guy. I go from rage, to sorrow, to panic in seconds flat. Just needed to vent I guess, thanks for listening.

iamsoblind42 posted 1/20/2014 23:06 PM

Sorry Tundra, betrayal sucks! I am too new to the site to really help much but there are lots of great people here that will give great advice. Look up 180 in the healing library. There's lots of good stuff there. Remember to drink water and Tylenol PM will help you sleep.

Daddo posted 1/20/2014 23:58 PM

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sucks. Infidelity causes an amazing amount of damage.

Keep reading and posting - the people on this site will really help.

First - Remember and keep telling yourself, that this was about her - about her weaknesses and her failing. This was not about you. You are the same guy she fell in love with - she is the one that changed.

Second - I would do the other guys wife a huge favor, and let her know. She deserves the truth - whatever the truth behind her marriage (and the story your ex-gf told you makes no sense).

As horrible and as devistating as this is, thank god you found out know and not a few years from now when you you have children to worry about.

Be strong - this will get better

Tundra60 posted 1/21/2014 05:52 AM

Thanks both of you. I did let this guys wife know, but I doubt she believes me as after I told her, he went off on three overnight flights with her. They are both pilots. I hate these feelings, and I just need a good night sleep, without waking up in a panic at 4 am.

norabird posted 1/21/2014 09:27 AM

I'm so sorry. As if the initial betrayal wasn't enough, she's doubling down and it's known in your workplace. Cycling through a range of emotions is normal--try and accept it, and let yourself feel whatever comes. It sounds as if she has no remorse, and you are best off now staying totally out of contact with her if you can and focusing on healing yourself. It will get better, and you will be stronger for it. This is a chance to build something better for yourself and a blessing in disguise--though the disguise comes as a really really awful experience that you certainly didn't ask for or deserve.

Keep your head up and vent as much as you need!

Oh also...short term insomnia is normal, and if it continues you may want to see if getting ambien or something similar will help.

[This message edited by norabird at 9:28 AM, January 21st (Tuesday)]

Bigger posted 1/21/2014 10:31 AM

Tundra,
Is the relationship between you and the woman over? Is she your ex-GF and do you plan on keeping it that way OR would you consider reconciling? Did your GF ask to reconcile or is she too content that your relationship is over?

As has been stated then her actions do not reflect in any way on you. Expecting honesty and fidelity from another person isn’t wrong, dumb or a weakness. Don’t worry about the office gossip. Your story will be the flavor of the week for a week and then something else will take its place.
I walked in on my fiancé having sex with another man. At the time I was a young rookie cop in a small city. Less than an hour later it was all over town. Frankly… I didn’t care… If anything I got support and sympathy. What others say or snicker at is the least of your worries right now.

Is there any chance that you will need to work with OM or your ex? Could that be a threat to your job security? Does your employer have any policy in place regarding this sort of behavior? It could be to your advantage to let HR know what’s going on.

Oh and Tundra… For me it was 6 months of hell before I woke up one day and felt… well… OK. A year later I was fine. Now – close to 28 years later – I think I would probably buy OM a beer to thank him for saving me from her.

Tundra60 posted 1/21/2014 11:07 AM

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and support. We are all part of the same union executive for the pilots so I'm resigning my position ASAP. It's volunteer anyway, but it keeps me from being with them both. Yes she is my ex girlfriend, and no I'm not reconciling. She hasn't contacted me except through her friends. Things were said in the heat of anger and she is painting herself as the victim. I sent her an email apologizing for my behavior, and asking for the same. No reply so that was an answer in itself. When she told me she was crying, saying sorry but this was after spending the last three days with me, and spending time with my son as well. The betrayal and lies are the worst, I keep thinking was all of it a lie? When did it start? Why not just tell me? Then I think that she was using me as back up in case this other guy broke it off. FYI, she has done all this before she was with me, so not sure why I felt different