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Ellejay posted 1/20/2014 23:52 PM

I am triggering big time today. 23 years ago my ex-H and I experienced a great loss in that our twin boys were still-born late into my pregnancy. Anyone who has been through this will appreciate the trauma of it. Anyway, yesterday was my ex MIL's funeral to which I went. After the service, rather than go to the tea and ginger biscuit ritual that usually takes place, I quietly took myself off to visit my babies grave which just happens to be at the same memorial park where my MIL's funeral took place. I put some flowers and a little note on the grave. Later that evening my DD15 tells me "Oh by the way, Dad took us to visit the twins grave today with OW2"

My God I nearly hyperventilated.

Just after D-Day I remember writing a letter to OW2 describing the events that had occurred in my marriage and in particular this deeply personal tragedy and how it had shaped me as a woman. She couldn't have cared less then obviously and now there she is standing next to my babies graves along with Sir Shagalot. I could get hold of him and wring his bloody neck. How can he not realize how sacred that place is for me? To bring her into that space and for her to stand there casually along with my kids.

I could do some serious damage today. Help me get some perspective on this someone.....PLEASE!


Jrazz posted 1/21/2014 00:00 AM

How awful. You know, some people have no shame. Nothing is sacred. I'm appalled and devastated for you.

Know that your relationship with your angels has nothing to do with her. She has no connection to them whatsoever. Your time there in meditation and mourning is sacred and she cannot touch that. Ever.

Don't let her presence have any meaning and it won't. It's a hurtful, shameful show that they're putting on but you are better and stronger than this.


StillStanding1 posted 1/21/2014 00:03 AM


I am so sorry. I have a good friend that experienced such a loss and it is tragic. I'm so sorry your XH is such a jerk and isn't able to realize how inappropriate and insensitive that was. Aaaaarrrrgghh.

No offense to all the remorseful struggling WS on this site -- you are the exception. But some WS just never seem to be able to fully extricate their heads from their behinds. It's just astonishing. Hopefully that doesn't offend anyone on this site -- the type of WS I'm talking about don't bother reading here.

I have no words of advice. Wish I did. Not to promote alcohol as a solution to any of this, but there are some days that just do call for a glass of wine and a box of tissue.

So sorry!

DeadMumWalking posted 1/21/2014 02:06 AM

"Oh by the way, Dad took us to visit the twins grave today with OW2"

I could just SPIT NAILS at her shoes!!!! And as for XH - WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

Clueless does not even BEGIN to describe these two.

I would make DAMN SURE he NEVER even THINKS of going there again. E.V.E.R. My knee would be impaled in his groin.

I'm so so sorry ((((Ellejay))))

Cally60 posted 1/21/2014 02:17 AM

Oh Ellejay. This is awful. The insensitivity of both your ex-WH and OW is beyond the pale. I am so very sorry, both for your pain in losing your babies and for that which your ex has just caused you. And after you had shown such love and respect for his late mother, too, by attending her funeral, despite the presence of OW2.


[This message edited by Cally60 at 2:18 AM, January 21st (Tuesday)]

Ostrich80 posted 1/21/2014 02:36 AM

My God, some people have no decency. I wish I could kick both of them in the ass for you. It's sacred ground, period!!

When my nephew passed away, the ow that my BIL cheated with on my sister, had the balls to show up at the funeral.. It had been years since the A but I know she was just being nosy. I didn't see her there but was told by a friend. I sent her an email that told her what a cold hearted piece of shit she was. It's an unwritten rule, a grieving mother / father should NEVER have to deal with a situation like this.

I am beyond sorry you are having to deal with this disrespect and callousness.

Heartbroken2013 posted 1/21/2014 02:44 AM

I am in tears for you!

How DARE he!

That is awful and I can feel your pain.

I havnt got any words of wisdom, any advise, just hugs im afraid ((((((Ellejay))))))

And the fact that he is a prick!

Im so sorry, thinking of you today Xxx

nolight posted 1/21/2014 04:42 AM

Mother is love, they are your babies, you carried them, loved them and sadly mourned them she is nothing, and will always be nothing. Plus your ex is a cruel, insensitive jerk who does not deserve you.

Ellejay posted 1/21/2014 05:40 AM

I know he has every right to visit the grave because they were his babies too but really.....why didn't he suggest she go powder her chin or something while he and the kids went by themselves. I know men are wired differently to women but surely he should realize that this is sacred ground.

Every part of our house was violated including my bed with his sordid affair with OW1 (my neighbor and best "friend") and he would have had OW2 in the same bed with the two of them if I hadn't discovered it all. This is the one thing left that is just between him and I and our kids.

The thing is he didn't do it to upset me, I realize that, nor would that idiot OW2 have seen anything inappropriate in it. They just don't THINK. He is stupid rather than callous, in fact he is so dense it is to be pitied.

Thank you for your support. I have calmed down tonight but still upset.

Love to you all

Ellejay xxx

LivinginLimbo posted 1/21/2014 06:36 AM

Absolutely disgraceful.

nowiknow23 posted 1/21/2014 07:12 AM


solus sto posted 1/21/2014 07:41 AM

((((Ellejay))) I have no words.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

confused615 posted 1/21/2014 09:51 AM

I've been here long enough that very few things shock me. This made my mouth drop open. I am horrified for you.

How dare he bring her there.

Lovedyoumore posted 1/21/2014 10:43 AM

I have chills now. How do they do that? Ignorance? Selfishness? No soul? What a disgrace. Good grief. I want send them a scathing email to enlighten them on how to behave on this earth. They have no conscience and no brains above their waist. Your children have no business being around such nasty examples, even if he is their father. I am so sorry they soiled such a sacred space.

[This message edited by Lovedyoumore at 3:02 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]

sisoon posted 1/21/2014 14:54 PM


BeHappyAgain posted 1/21/2014 15:35 PM

:( Gigantic hugs to you.

Aussiescot posted 1/21/2014 15:35 PM

Truly disgraceful!
My heart is breaking for you!
There is just no limitation to the trauma these selfish people cause!

May your beautiful little Angels rest in peace xox

karmahappens posted 1/21/2014 15:37 PM


I am so sorry for your pain. Especially sorry he continues to act selfishly.

Kajem posted 1/21/2014 16:03 PM


His lack of thinking skills knows no bounds. I am sorry you feel your sacred place has been invaded by her. I hope you can reclaim it another time. You deserve to visit your beautiful babies without feeling violated.

My stillborn son would be 24 this week. If XH has taken OW/NW to his grave I do not know and I prefer not to know.


Ellejay posted 1/21/2014 16:14 PM


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