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Newest Member: ChrissyMc (61787)

User Topic: No rash decisions?
♀ 41690
Member # 41690
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know everyone, including our therapists, say that no rash decisions should be made early on, but sometimes I think doing something dramatic would help. I want to sell our's not the end of the world and something that is already draining us economically (especially now that we have therapy bills to pay). I haven't been happy in my job for awhile and have looked for a new one on and off for years. One of the problems in our marriage pre-A was our complacency in our lives...we allowed things to get stale, stagnant and inert (and we never talked about changing it). Now that my H and I are in R, I look around at the things--like our house, our jobs, etc--and I see now as a golden opportunity to change our surroundings as we always should've. I want to purge myself of the things that not only held us back from developing as a couple pre-A, but all the associations and triggers I can find from the A in what I see around me. I know many things--like our house, the furniture inside, etc--are just inanimate objects that really can't take away my pain or give me any joy. But I am tired of looking at the same things in my life....I want to rise above everything and finally feel like I'm on the right path.

Does anyone else feel this way and has anyone else made these dramatic moves early in the R?

Me: 42
Him: 49
DD: 12/2/2013
Married: 9 years but together for 15
Recovering, Reconciling, Rebuilding, Restoring

Posts: 123 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: New York
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't feel putting your house on the market is a rash decision. Looking for another job isn't a rash decision, either. Now, just up and quitting your job with no back up plan is rash, but looking for another job isn't.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 13446 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If moving is something you and H can do as a team and both feel good about, then do it! For me the stress of having people come to view our home (keeping it clean) and looking for a new home would be too much. But many thrive on that type of "action".
I suggest you have a heart to heart with H and do what feels best to both of you. As you say, it's just a house!

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 3

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