We recently started with a new MC/IC/FC. Our last one was much more MC and, IMO, a bit of a rugsweeper. Therefore, we haven't progressed as much as I think we might have, if counseled properly. It wasn't til I found SI that I got a better grasp.
I've given my WH numerous letters and have outlined my needs for R, primarily based on what I've read here and in several books.
So, in our second meeting, our MC assigned "homework" for us each to write up a list of our needs. Was thinking I would ask you all for your input...
Do you think I should separate out list of needs for R and A recovery from list of needs for a healthier M? I'm afraid my list could get very long. Keep it general or give specifics?
Have any of you done this? I'm posting this not only for my own help, but thinking this could be a good list for others too?
R and A Recovery
- Sincere specific apologies
- NC (physical, emotional, and MENTAL)
- Accountability (figure out your why's, don't blameshift, seek help, share your progress/insights with me)
- Transparency (actions that inspire trust, not me being a PI)
- Learn my triggers and respond compassionately, not with self-focused behaviors and defensiveness
- Work on healing relationships with kids
- Reassurance (physical, emotional, mental)
- Improve emotional intimacy, share feelings/thoughts
- Improve communication skills
- Continue to speak each other's Love Languages and learn to recognize, understand, and appreciate all the languages.
- Turn toward one another first with M concerns, not outward
- Recognize our M weaknesses pre-A and continue to fix them
- Schedule and spend quality time together
- Prioritize me and our family while balancing with work and "working out"
- Truthfulness, authenticity
That's a start. What say you?